October Already! Follow up Number Three Coming Soon

It's hard to believe so much time has passed since I was declared free of cancer. Just the words make me get tears in my eyes. The fear never goes away. I am not sure about others, but for me I always assumed if I ever had cancer, once I was declared in remission I would be no longer afraid. I assumed I would be happy all the time, glad I made it through and that would be that. It's really not how it works. I always have this fear of it coming back. It comes back strong right around the time you are due for a follow up. It comes creeping up every single time you have a strange pain, or for me whenever I feel any pressure in my neck. I always feel some pressure in there. I have four thyroid nodules, one you can honestly see. It drives me crazy. I know I have scar tissue in my chest. I particularly notice the pressure when I sing. I especially notice it because my neck veins bulge out I think a little more than a normal person's do while singing. Or maybe that's just me being obsessive? I am not sure. Regardless my doctor did tell me he didn't think it would come back. I hold on to that truly. It gives me a little extra faith. I responded so immediately and well to the treatment so he just doesn't think it will return. There is always the added risk for other cancers because of my treatments. It's an ironic world and one of the biggest reasons we need something better. We need a cure. Radiation put me at a higher risk for other cancers and so did chemo. From what I hve been told and read, I am at a higher risk for leukemia, breast cancer, lung cancer, thyroid cancer...to name a few. I am not sure really if there are others. It's just a risk though and honestly aren't we all at risk? I can't live every day fearing the unknown so I don't. It does creep in now and again but I promptly shove it out. It's not a way to live. I thank God for each day and I'll continue to live and just be thankful for each moment. I am including a new picture of my little miracle baby. It's amazing to me now thinking how she is going to be one next month! So much time has gone by. I carried this little one throughout my cancer and treatments. She is healthy and well and on her way to being one. I think it won't be more than a month or two before she is walking. She's holding on to my hands and walking all over the place. She's already hard to keep up with. She has quite the little personality. Telling her no does no good because she finds it incredibly funny and only does whatever you told her NOT to do, faster and giggling hysterically. She's definitely a little comedian. She is the happiest baby I have ever seen. She'll have her 12 month check up next month along with shots. Those times are always difficult because it chokes me up. It's crazy but it's true. Mothers often get teary eyed watching nurses poke their little one. They don't understand and look at you for protection because it hurts! haha It's a helpless feeling.
Here's the recent pic I promised of my Gabriella.

Coffee + Laptop = Disaster

Yes....I managed to spill coffee on my laptop. It's funny how these things happen. I always sit at my laptop and sip coffee, knowing in the back of my mind I am taking a risk. It's a risk worth taking, or so I tell myself. At least until the morning, when I send my cup flying into the air and back down on me and my laptop. I really am not quite sure how the cup slipped, or how it got so much air. Literally, it was above my head and I saw it coming back down. It spilled all over the laptop. I immediately turned the laptop upside down and grabbed a blanket I had been covering up with and started drying it off. The laptop shut off. I felt this dread in the pit of my stomach. I dried it as good as I could and kept it upside down, thinking perhaps I could keep the coffee from hitting the main components inside. Finally I turned it back up and let it sit....battery out..unplugged. It sat. For about 15 hours. I then checked for damage. I looked for spilled coffee under the keys...and wiped up any spots I saw. It wasn't all that bad. I didn't see any coffee in the battery compartment. I plugged it in...and nothing. It had an orange battery light. I decided to wait until morning. I got up in the morning and with a nervous hand, turned my laptop on. It started booting up. I was biting my nails as the screen saying "Windows didn't shut down properly" or something of that nature popped up. It came to a dark screen and it started to beep. It was an ear piercing loud beeeeeep beeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I didn't know what it meant and I couldnt' stop it. After about 30 seconds of this hideously loud beeping...it went to my login screen. I entered my password and it worked. My keys are sticking slightly...and I don't think the down arrow works at all. I will count my blessings though because quite honestly I didn't expect it to work at all. Just having a laptop is a wonderful treat for me. I can't believe I did this! I am really disgusted with myself and now my coffee is located a safe distance away from my laptop. For now, I am forced to live with sticky keys and a broken down arrow. I rebooted once and it still does the beeping thing on startup. That's a truly bad thing when there is a sleeping baby in the house. Regardless, I am still thankful and in complete shock that it works at all!!

Sick

Well I knew we'd all catch something sooner or later with the start of school. There has been other illnesses but this one has been particularly awful. Angelina brought a nasty cold home and combined with her allergy asthma (that so far appears to be seasonal) her cough seems awful. I kept getting onto her about covering her mouth and not giving the baby her sickness. Well, I got it. Bad. I felt like I had a fever yesterday with chills and muscles aches but my temp was around 97.9 all day. I took ibuprofen which did make me feel REALLY hot and sweaty. The muscle aches would go away though. Gabriella caught it but doesn't seem quite as sick. Thank the Lord! I hate seeing my kids sick. I get little to no sleep when they do. I feel much better today other than this nasty cough and a stuffy nose.

Yesterday was also my 13th wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything as money is tight these days. I hope we can get out sometime soon but instead we just went to our daughter's open house at their school, looked around at what they do and met their teachers. It was nice. It was a full day. I have a new pic of myself trying out some curls. I have been using a shampoo to help my hair get healthier since chemo. I had it cut soooo short and it's starting to grow back in. haha Have a great day all!

If you are a mom..

I have been a member of a wonderful message board for years. I have made great friends there. We have recently updated the board, changed the name and given it a whole new look. Please, check it out :)

Sunshine!!!!!

Finally, we are getting some sun. I had to add this because we have been just getting tons of rain here in the midwest from hurricane Ike. At least I read it was because of that. There were some tornados as well. The other night I put my middle child in the tub and came out into the living room. Gabriella was already asleep. I noticed I heard a siren. It's not unusual for the siren to go off because of a fire or accident but this siren was steady...not letting up at all. I opened the front door and sure enough it was the tornado warning. We get a whole lot of watches in this area but for a warning to occur it means something has been spotted. I was a little scared and quickly turned on the news. It was our county but not our town. They had spotted rotation in the clouds. I informed my daughter to get out of the tub. I had no idea it was even raining so hard. The warning passed finally but I was ready after that in case we had to rush to the basement. We have a nice basement thankfully and got no water at all in it. I'm so happy the sun is back and the mud can perhaps start to dry up! I love thunderstorms but I've had my fill for awhile. :)