Good Morning!

Isn't Gabriella a cutie pie? I sure think so. We went for an early morning walk yesterday and paused on my front step. I took pics while she played in the flower bed. She loves the little rocks and throwing them.


The kids are getting ready for their second day of school. I managed to get out yesterday and pick up a couple of new backpacks for the girls. The bags are nice and they love them. I even got some good deals on new shoes. That's a relief.

My Gabbi starts daycare next week. Have I mentioned this? Well all chances of babysitters fell through. I hadn't really wanted to do this especially for only about 2 hours each morning but there was no choice. I found a really nice place. It's got a great philosophy. She will be learning and singing and doing all kinds of great educational things. In some ways now I am excited. I'll miss her for those 2 hours but she's in the same town I am in school so I'll pick her up mere minutes after I get out of class. It could be fun. We'll have tons of time together.

This all means my classes start Monday the 24th as well. I can't remember for sure if my first class is Sociology or Philosophy. It's one of those two. I am taking a Criminology course. That one really interests me. I have always enjoyed that kind of thing though and learning more about it.

We sure have come a long way since May of 2007. I went from finishing up that semester in bed to being very sick and now I am almost in Nursing College. I feel like I am already there, taking all these required courses for the program, but clinicals will be when it feels super real. I'll do things at the hospital and probably have rounds in lots of different medical areas. Actually I have no idea what is involved but I've heard different things. I am so anxious. When I tell people why I want to be a nurse I always get an amazed reaction. It's so true though. It made me realize what a very wonderful profession it is. If you need medical care, a really good nurse is something you never forget.

Am I the Only One?

I am looking around at everyone preparing for school. I see all the parents getting their kids ready for the big day and I stop and wonder if I am the only one feeling the pain. Not of missing them, no. We got over that ages ago. I mean financially. I don't know how everyone does it. There is too much! My hubby did take a paycut at work due to the economic crisis. It hurt us bad. We fell a little behind on the kid's lunches at school at the end of the year. Having three kids it adds up. We were trying to get caught up but living paycheck to paycheck we found ourselves further behind each check.

Now a new school year starts and we forked over almost $400 just to register and pay for various fees and such. On top of that I have a list for each child 10 miles long of supplies to buy. Protractors, compasses, calculators, different colored folders, pencils, etc. Each child has a list that will quickly add up. On top of this Lexi needs a physical. Gabbi needs shots. Two of them are required to visit the dentist to go to school and our dental insurance sucks to put it mildly. SUCKS. Oh and each child needs TWO brand new pairs of shoes. One to keep at school for P.E. We haven't even begun to discuss new lunch fees. My question is this. HOW DO WE DO IT? I have no idea because the funds are just not there. We need new backpacks. They have no new clothes. I am not rich and I am not poor but things are super tight right now. I can't afford it. School starts tomorrow.

*sigh*

The Little Miracle Baby?

Well not anymore. No she is no longer a little miracle baby. She is a miracle toddler! I pretty much stay in denial. She of course will always be my baby but she is so big. I turned on my web cam and she climbed up next to me and hammed it up for the camera. She smiled and waved and kissed me. She is such a sweetheart. She talks so much now. She seems to learn 10 new words a day! She also has learned to recognize some words in a book or at least relating things to words. What I mean is she has a book. There are colors on each page and objects that show that color. I tell her to find red and she can do it each time. I find this wonderful for 20 months. I have also taught her that her sippy cup says dad. It says "I love dad" to be precise but each time I ask her what it says she states "dad" or "dadda". I believe she is just repeating what I told her but the memory alone has me impressed. Of course she is my little lady and so I am incredibly biased but I see such intelligence in this little miracle lady. She is still slightly follicly challenged. Or that is what I call it anyway. haha She has hair. It's a reddish blonde color that I love. She just doesn't have quite enough to get into a cute ponytail. I figured that it's for the best. With her personality she'd just yank it out and eat it anyway.

As I wrote this she very nearly succeeded in putting a cheerio in my coffee. Score one for mom for getting the cup back fast enough.

Free Ugg Boots Giveaway!

A great giveaway has been brought to my attention. Would you like to win a pair of Ugg Boots? Whooga is giving away a free pair and every entrant gets 15% off! How awesome is that? All you do is go to http://www.whoogaboots.co.uk/ukugg.asp?p=freeuggboots and grab the badge and enter the info. It's pretty simple. So go sign up!

I'm Not Afraid Anymore

I really am not. I think all this time I have been still afraid of facing cancer itself. I faced it yes. I dealt with it head on but during my time of being sick I didn't search for things on it. I didn't read other people's blogs about it. I avoided it and dealt with only MY particular situation. I didn't want to hear of other's battles with Hodgkin's because it made me fear what happened to them might happen to me. It is scary because you really don't want to start to compare yourself but you can't really help it. You see a symptom they have and say hey, do I have that symptom too? It's not good and 18 months into remission I have learned that it's ok. I can read other people's stories and I am not really scared anymore. I know my story is just that. Mine. I dealt with things in my way and other people deal with it in theirs. I can't explain why something happens to one person and not another.

I created this blog to draw people here to help them but now I finally feel safe enough to not only draw others here but to go out and seek others too. I can read other blogs. I don't stress as much about it coming back. It's not like I sit here and say it won't ever come back or that I won't ever get another cancer but I think it doesn't consume me anymore. I will deal with whatever life throws my way on my own. I will deal with it as it comes and not a moment before. What is the point in sitting here wasting your life stressing about what may or may not ever happen? It's hard to not stress but it's never done me any good in the past and that hasn't changed. I think my life is about helping others and I believe the further I go in life the more that will show in my actions and words. It's why I want to be a nurse and I have never felt so strongly in my life about anything but that I am supposed to be a nurse and go into Oncology. I know it will be hard but it's what I must do.

I just sat here last night reading through blogs and looking at cancer related things and realized four simple words. I'm not afraid anymore.