Christmas is in the Air

It's Christmas time. Have you noticed? It's hard to miss right? *chuckle* I finally got some Christmas shopping done. I am not done shopping yet but it sure has taken a load off my mind. It's really stressful. The Holidays for us have been tight. Our bills at this point pretty much match what is coming in. We set up auto pay on our bills so by the time we see any money it's practically gone already. The holidays only make you realize just how broke you really are.

However I love Christmas. I love the friends, family, fun, food, lights, music and more! There is nothing like turning the lights off in my living room and turning the Christmas tree lights on. I'll lay on the couch and cuddle up with the hubby and watch a movie like It's a Wonderful Life. I live for those moments.

I really want to feel the Christmas spirit this year. Yes I really do, as corny as it may sound. I want to feel that joy I felt as a child. I remember the innocence and the simple pleasure in the idea of gifts and family get togethers. The whole time was magical. I want to give it to my kids. I think of Frosty the Snowman and the old Rudolf the Rednose Reindeer specials. I smell the pine trees and see the big, fluffy flakes of snow. Yeah I do love this time of year.

I am worried about my dad and it puts a damper on everything. I saw him today. He is very confused. He said he was being treated like a refugee in the civil war. I am not even positive what he meant. He constantly wondered what was going on and where he was. I miss my dad. I love him a lot and want him back with us. We told him Christmas was coming and he said "when?" We told him and he seemed surprised. I then asked him what he would like for Christmas. He seemed confused and looked at me and I said what present does he want. He looked at me again and said "To come home."

I hope his Christmas wish can come true. At least for one day.

For Those That Want To

I have had a few people come to me and ask where they can donate. I do have a paypal account but I have decided I don't want to take any donations there. I want to keep any funds for my dads medical expenses separate. My husband went out to the bank here and opened a benefit fund for my dad. The flyer here posts all the details for anyone interested. My dad has a lot of medical expenses due to his mysterious illness. We have gotten no answers. It could a.) be a serious infectious disease or b.) It could be cancer.

The problem is he is NOT strong enough for any kind of surgery at this point to examine the spots they have seen on his liver. The spots are not growing or spreading in any way. At this point he needs to get stronger. So there isn't really an end in sight. The benefit is the 19th. Many things are needed such as take home containers, 2 liter bottles and cans of soda, any other beverage.

I am posting this flyer with the information on it to make a donation if you wish. I am holding the benefit to help my dad and mom not have to worry about anything but my dad getting better. I don't think my mom should carry the weight of worrying about bills medical or otherwise. My dad is retired and there isn't a lot of money coming in right now.

I really hope this benefit has a good turnout!

My Dad's Benefit

I am hosting a benefit for my father coming up on December 19th. This is the flyer I have been posting. I created it with Microsoft Word then wanted to get it online so I converted it to a PDF file and uploaded it to the Adobe Acrobat site. It comes in better there, but takes a while to load. Unfortunately I have not been able to upload the new updated flyer there. The site isn't working properly. So I found this other site and uploaded it there. I am really anxious about this benefit. I want there to be a good turnout. My dad means so much to me. I know he would hate to be the center of attention. However we cannot sit idly by while he gets sicker and sicker and his medical bills get higher and higher. My dad has always run the home so this situation leaves my mother very confused about what to do or even how to do it. My sisters and I are hoping to take that burden off her shoulders during this very hard time. Please for John! We still do not know what is wrong with him.

Just Thinking

It's hard to believe it's almost Christmas. Time sure flies. I know you hear the saying so many times and the older you get the more you say it! It really is true though. My Gabbi is now 2 and my birthday is this month! I will be.....um.....30 something on December 29th. haha Ok fine. 34. I cannot believe I am almost 34. Honestly I don't feel that old. Even with all I have gone through. Actually I feel pretty good. When I was sick and didn't know it I felt awful. It's funny how you remember things later and you realize the cancer explains everything. I am not positive how far back the first symptoms go, but it was at the very least 2004.

I remember standing in the magazine isle at the store. I could not stand there for more than 30 seconds to browse magazines. My body would start to hurt. My whole body. I would start to ache from head to foot. I can't even really explain it. I thought "Man am I getting old or something?" I was around 28-29 at the time. Still I had no other explanation for feeling the instant need to sit down. I thought to myself if I didn't, I would fall down. So, instead of browsing through magazines, or looking through books I would quickly get out of the store. Those feelings are long gone. Now? I could browse for hours. I have no pain. I used to wake up in the morning feeling like my bones were healing from a break or something. It's so hard to explain but it didn't feel like a fresh injury, but rather the type of pain you feel when an injury is healing. It gets sore and tender. My whole body would hurt. I hated waking up in the morning. I knew I'd have a headache. I knew lifting my head off the pillow would feel like a bowling ball. I knew that my eyelids would most likely be swollen. All of these symptoms? Gone.

They can make a list of symptoms for Hodgkin Lymphoma but I can tell you now I didn't have half of them. I never had one single night sweat which is a common symptom. I never felt or saw a swollen lump sticking out of my neck (lymph node) which is also common. I only had difficulty breathing, increasing shortness of breath, wheezing, a little more phlegm than usual, usually rattling in my chest. As it progressed I became more pale (which is bad for me, an already pale woman). It was when a little blood came up when I coughed that I knew without a doubt it was really really bad. I couldn't blame it on allergies or maybe developing asthma any longer. I still stayed in denial regardless. It's funny how we worry about the slightest symptom on our loved ones but when it comes to ourselves we just deny deny deny!

Anyway, I am thankful to be free of those symptoms. There are more. At the time I had no reason to blame my symptoms on cancer. I just didn't know. The things developed over time so I just got used to it. Now I feel so free.

I am looking forward to being 2 years in remission in February. It's like another birthday. It's the day I got my life back. It's when I knew I could look to the future again. I knew I could dream, hope....and live again.

My Gabbi, Homework and Dad

I am going to be hosting a benefit for my dad along with my sisters this month. Things are so out of control with his medical bills. Not to mention he is a retired man. We'd like to help with his costs and take the burden off of my mother. Dad was always the one who ran the show so having all of this responsibility all of the sudden is really difficult for her.

This benefit will be on the 19th of this month. We are having a spaghetti supper and plan on doing a bake sale as well. I am hoping for a good turnout. My sisters and I also discussed a benefit account which hopefully we'll have going by tomorrow. There is so much to work out and deal with but we are working hard to get it all done.

On a good note, I got to talk to my dad today! I called his room at his new hospital and for the first time in a week he is not very confused. He isn't 100% yet by any means but he is so much better. I mean, he was very out of it before so this was such a wonderful gift. He'll never know the worry or fear in our hearts but we love this man so much. I am just not ready for him to go or to even change. I am a selfish girl because all I can think of is wanting him back entirely. I want that fishing, hunting, goofy man back. We of course still have the issue of knowing what is causing everything. We hope to get some answers soon.

I am supposed to be working on my Statistics homework right now. That's the homework bit of this blog post. I am procrastinating! Now as for Gabbi she is a very amusing girl. She recently grabbed a clean diaper, stuck it on her head and said clearly "Mom, look, poop hat."

So like any good mom, I snapped a pic!

Haha Off to do my homework now.