Do You Have a Needle Phobia?

I have never been afraid of needles. I remember as a young child liking that anxiety that built up before a shot. Call me strange but after I got the shot, which I did not enjoy, I got to show off my war wound to my friends. All little kids feel getting a shot is a big deal and somehow you've earned bragging rights. The band aid covering the wound proves it.

What do you do if you have a needle phobia and are diagnosed with cancer? I often wondered about this after being stuck with a needle for the 3rd or 4th time in a day. You see I had trouble with my port. That is where they inject the chemo. The nurses could never get blood from it like they are supposed to so I always had to have them take blood from my arm and get stuck in my port for chemotherapy on top of that. Take into consideration days when I had to go to my OB/GYN for blood work and tests I got stuck with needles a whole lot.

I would think to myself during those times it was sure good I didn't have a fear of needles. I do not know how you could do it if you did. I don't mind the needles. Most often it was just a little pinch and once it's in it's not too bad. There were a couple of times it felt my arm was on fire. I have to admit it totally depends on the nurse. I have had bruised arms after needles and then barely any proof I had a needle on other days. It all just depends on the skill of the nurse. I hated IVs. Those are much more painful but really it only hurts getting it in. After it's in, it's not too big of a deal. Still, how could you do it? If you are afraid of needles I don't know how you could make it through something like cancer which involves a whole lot of needles! My port needle was bigger and fatter than a normal needle. It went through the skin each time too. My port was under my skin. This is what the needle that goes into the port looks like:


This is where they stuck it:




So I again ask, if you do have a needle phobia, do you think you could manage getting all those needle sticks?

How It Feels To Be the Caregiver

One thing that used to be a touchy subject for me and my husband, was who my cancer was harder on. Yes it sounds crazy doesn't it? Of course I had it more rough! Or so I always told myself. Yes, I had a terrible time and I was the one lying in bed for a month. I couldn't breathe and with each gasping breath I did take it caused great pain. I couldn't eat without being sick. I couldn't sit up without gagging, coughing, choking. Then my husband made me realize how incredibly difficult it was. I caught him one night watching me while I slept. I just opened my eyes in the middle of the night and there he was sitting on the floor by my bed, staring at me. I felt loved. It wasn't until later I realized he was afraid I would stop breathing in the night. My breathing was loud, wheezing, gasping.

It finally hit me. He asked me "What would you do if you had to listen to your child breathe like that at night, knowing they could die?" I get stressed out and worry when my child gets the flu. How much more would I worry about cancer? I hate stress and worry. It can eat a person alive. That's what it was doing to my husband for a year. He said he watched me sleep a lot. I do know for a fact he would stay up all night long and only take naps when he knew I was awake or that my older daughter was home from school. He was afraid to leave me for a moment. I was carrying his child as well so it didn't help. He drove me to every single appointment. He never missed a single sonogram for the baby. He was at every chemo treatment. I couldn't have done it alone. If I talked like I might not get through or what would he do if I didn't, he'd immediately tell me that was not even an option so I may as well shut up. I chuckle about it because I love it. I love that he gave me no choice!

I spoke earlier about what do you say to a person who is diagnosed with cancer and the truth is all you can do is support them. Tell them you are thinking of them, you love them, or tell them they're strong, you know they can do it, definitely don't ever refer to it as terminal or without hope even if that's what you have really heard. Otherwise there is no right or wrong thing to say. It's hard to be the person that doesn't have cancer. You love someone who is so sick and you feel at a complete loss. You can't save their life though you want to. You feel totally helpless. My husband felt that way. I saw it more clearly after I got better. He once told me that after I was declared in remission he could then have his stroke. I told him he better not dare. We are getting through it together! I think much love and respect needs to be given to those who are losing sleep caring for and worrying over a loved one or friend who is sick. That in itself is painful like a disease. So from a patient I want to give my love, respect and humble adoration for all you caregivers out there who give so much of yourself helping those who need it, when they need it most.