Appointment Rescheduled

Good or bad? I have said my stress level gets higher the closer to an appointment I get. I of course worry and get more concerned they'll find something. I don't think it helps much that I do have thyroid nodules in my neck. One you can actually see. I hate it. I do believe they cause some pressure in my throat that comes and goes. The bad part being, it's hard to know what is caused by the thyroid and what isn't. I don't want to assume anything. The pressure like I said isn't constant but on days when I am feeling it the what ifs haunt me. I think I'd like to have the nodules taken care of but my thyroid is still functioning normally. I am not really sure what they would do about those, if anything. The oncologists office called and rescheduled my appointment for May 7th. It had been set for April 24th. I was officially diagnosed around May 7th 2007. I had the biopsy surgery on May 4th that year and it took a few days for an official diagnosis because they had to send the sample to the Mayo Clinic. I am in some ways very much looking forward to this appointment because I am getting the CAT scan and the ECHO done. I want confirmation that everything is good so I can relax a bit. I have had no scans since the clear PET scan and it does make me a bit nervous. I feel this could be the peace of mind I have been searching for.

Today is the Day!

My third three month follow up is today. I have been in remission since February 2007. I go every 3 months to make sure I still am! I get so nervous around these times and this time has been no exception. I have read you have to be Hodgkin's free for 5 years to be considered *cured*. At this point I am in remission. As I said I still have pressure in my veins but not on a regular basis. I hate that feeling and plan on talking to the doc. I think it may be due to all the scar tissue in my body. I know the tumor was wrapped around the veins going up into my neck. They couldn't remove anything surgically. The doc said I would always have scar tissue in there. He said no x-ray or scan would ever look *normal* for me. That's always nice to know. haha Anyway it's a pretty long drive. About 4 hours one way. So I'll be leaving around 11 a.m. I think for a cancer survivor it's really scary to say "I beat it." It's hard because you just can't believe it and yes you don't want to tempt fate. It sounds so wrong, I know. I am definitely MORE nervous now than I was when I was sick. When you are sick though, you have doctors everywhere helping you, listening to you. You are getting treatment all the time, being checked frequently. Then, all the sudden, it's quiet. You aren't seeing any more doctors. You go every 3 months and in between then, it's just you. It's scary. It definitely takes some getting used to! Since I was pregnant during it all I cannot explain to you how many doctors I had. I was being checked all the time for something! Think of me today! :)

Appointment On Thursday

It's almost here and it's a pretty good thing. I think the anxiety is finally getting to the hubby too. I don't know what it is but I think I start to actually FEEL symptoms the closer I get to the appointments. I really do think at least some of that is in my head so I don't let myself get crazy with worry but it is stressful. We were watching that movie with Harry Connick Jr. last night. I forgot the name of it. He finds a medicine for breast cancer that saves lives. I thought it was wonderful but it still put me in a mood. I get so sad and it reminds me of how I felt. I am thankful for how I feel now! I feel good and that's a wonderful thing.

I enjoy the drive to my doctor. We moved in February a good four hours away. It used to be about an hour and a half. After much debate we decided to not switch doctors. I have been going to him since the beginning and I just trust him. He knows my whole situation from top to bottom and that gives me comfort. My situation was unique so I just didn't feel comfortable switching. I would have, if my appointments were more frequent. I would have no choice with the cost of gas but since it's just every 3 months we decided to do it. I will definitely post an update when I get back! It's a beautiful drive. I hope to get some good pics of the fall leaves. Here's another old pic of Gabbi at birth. She wasn't bad zized for four weeks early. Oh and please don't forget to click the top momma thing every day! I am falling off the top of the list. Just click the top momma banner over on the right and click my pic. Sign up for yourself too. See how long you stay on top!!

Pre-Followup Anxiety

So, this is what happens to me when it's almost time for a follow up. I was doing SO well and then, well as you can see from the post below I got myself a little worked up. I take comfort in knowing it's totally normal and all a part of the process. I was doing good and if my appointment hadn't been rescheduled I think I might not have had much anxiety at all this time around!