Appointment Rescheduled

Good or bad? I have said my stress level gets higher the closer to an appointment I get. I of course worry and get more concerned they'll find something. I don't think it helps much that I do have thyroid nodules in my neck. One you can actually see. I hate it. I do believe they cause some pressure in my throat that comes and goes. The bad part being, it's hard to know what is caused by the thyroid and what isn't. I don't want to assume anything. The pressure like I said isn't constant but on days when I am feeling it the what ifs haunt me. I think I'd like to have the nodules taken care of but my thyroid is still functioning normally. I am not really sure what they would do about those, if anything. The oncologists office called and rescheduled my appointment for May 7th. It had been set for April 24th. I was officially diagnosed around May 7th 2007. I had the biopsy surgery on May 4th that year and it took a few days for an official diagnosis because they had to send the sample to the Mayo Clinic. I am in some ways very much looking forward to this appointment because I am getting the CAT scan and the ECHO done. I want confirmation that everything is good so I can relax a bit. I have had no scans since the clear PET scan and it does make me a bit nervous. I feel this could be the peace of mind I have been searching for.

How I Deal With Not Feeling the Same

I guess I always thought once someone beat cancer they went right on back to feeling just as they used to. I really believed after a year I'd be my usual old self again and really for the most part I am. The talk I had with the doc at my last appointment really opened my eyes about all the pressure I still have in my neck. I must stress it is NOTHING compared to what I felt when I was sick. It doesn't even compare to how I felt for 2 years before I even knew I was sick. I used to feel a lump in there like all day every day. I felt as though someone had their thumbs jammed into either side of my neck and I felt like I was standing on my head all day long. If my hubby hugged me I'd gag and choke and cough. I really should have known something was terribly wrong but I believed the docs insisting it was my thyroid. I felt constantly frustrated that they wouldn't help me. I didn't know what else to do. I figured I had to live with the discomfort.

Back on the subject at hand though. I have pressure in my neck veins. It does feel like the sensation you would get when standing on your head...but just in my veins in my neck. It's hard to explain. It's a fullness and it's annoying. I discussed it with my oncologist and basically since my vein on the side of the tumor was almost totally blocked off, my blood started working it's way around the problem. It's not quite as efficient. I see new little veins sometimes when I sing or talk a lot. I can tell the veins really pop out and so could he. He said it might get better or more likely I'll get used to it. I love to sing and this does cause some problems with it. It's not major but it makes me hold notes a little less long and it also makes me VERY aware of the bulging veins in my neck. I am worried everyone is looking at me thinking that I am straining myself but truly I am not. It's just like that. I also have this thyroid nodule in my neck that you can see. It's not huge or obviously you'd see it in all my pics. You could see it if you met me and I told you where it was. There are so many things I have to get used to. The scars on my chest I think I am finally accepting as a part of me. I wore my Halloween costume and didn't think much of it until my daughter asked if it bothered me. I shrugged and realized that no...it did not bother me. I think that alone is a pretty big step. I can't wait to be totally used to the different pressure in my neck and I remind myself to just be thankful that it's not like it was!

Fine Needle Biopsy, Sounds Scarier Than it Is

I am not sure where to start on this because I can't assume everyone out there knows what a thyroid nodule is to begin with. We all have a thyroid, (if you have never had it removed) and it does a whole lot of things for our body. It stimulates our metabolism, which is why people who are very skinny or very heavy can be said to have a thyroid issue. It does run in my family.

My doctor discovered the thyroid nodules upon physical examination and I thought it explained the pressure I was having in my throat. I still think it might explain for some of the pressure. I can now visibly see one of the lumps in my neck. Some can't tell but if you look closely it sometimes appears as though I have an Adam's apple. UGH. I hate it and part of me just wants it gone but for that to happen we'd have to get rid of the thyroid which is functionally properly. That's not an ideal thing to do. We do have to watch for thyroid cancers since I already have four nodules and now I have had radiation to that area.

Anyway, long story short, they decided the first time to biopsy my thyroid nodules to make sure they were not cancerous. This is all before my cancer diagnosis of Hodgkin's. Since I have four nodules I got around 7 to 8 sticks. They put the needle into a nodule with a sonogram to guide it. It's not like a shot though. They don't just go in and then pull out the needle. No. They put the needle in and wiggle it around to get a good sample. The pain wasn't as bad as I thought though. The wiggling around was a little painful but mostly I felt pressure and like if I swallowed, I would swallow the needle. Obviously I wouldn't but it still felt like it. I ended up with a band aid. It was not too traumatic but anytime someone wants to poke you in the neck repeatedly with a needle you get a little scared. The second time was the day they actually did find the tumor. They ran a series of tests one being another fine needle biopsy which I used no anesthesia for this time around. I had realized that shot hurt worse than the others combined so I opted for none. It was again uncomfortable and scary but not too bad. They got nothing but blood though. They got no good samples and then on the sonogram she saw the tumor. So, I think she was pretty sure something else was wrong anyway. So, that is a fine needle biopsy in a nutshell. If you have other questions ask. I have no problem answering what I can.

Writing Too Much

I have never really been plagued with writer's block. Actually once I get going it's hard to shut me up. I think that can be just as big of a problem though. You certainly don't want to stray way off topic as I sometimes do. I have a lot of things in my head to write about. I sometimes think of something, forget it and then remember it later. Even in high school when our teacher would tell us to write so many words I would have trouble cutting my piece DOWN while others had trouble filling up the required space. I plan on writing about radiation which I don't think I have really went into a whole lot of detail about, at least recently. I want to discuss my 2 thyroid biopsies. I had superior vena cava syndrome, one of the very major symptoms that the tumor was causing major problems before we knew it was a tumor. I can think of so many things, I just hope I can remember them when I want to! If you out there as readers have a specific question regarding cancer, or a special treatment let me know. I just thought of another thing. I had a certain kind of chemo regularly used for treating Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It is called ABVD. Each drug has a long and rather hard to pronounce name. Each comes with it's own side effects. This particular regimen was not the one they used to use for Hodgkin's. I think it's fairly new as far as chemo goes. I think. I have to look that up. Anyway, I am giving you sort of a glimpse into what I plan on writing about soon. So look for my new posts regularly.