Down With Procrastination

I am so bad at it. I do procrastinate. What is odd is I procrastinate the things I want to do. I get the laundry done, cook supper, clean the house. Then I sit and relax. I am working on a drawing but haven't picked it up in probably 2 months. I had my last drawing sitting on a shelf for more than a year. Obviously I was sick for a year and that had much to do with it but still. I procrastinate. I am crocheting a baby blanket. I love doing it, yet it sits. Why do we do these things? I am not really sure. I think with the drawing anyway I have to really concentrate. I have to work hard, think hard and get into the whole mood. It's hard to have 5 seconds to really focus on anything without any outside distractions. Regardless, I am going to get that drawing out tomorrow. I'd like it to be a Christmas gift for a special friend. I am also being asked to do a drawing for someone else as a Christmas gift. This one I will be paid for. It's a commission so I can't exactly put that one off. I am glad though. I need a good kick in the pants on occasion. Here are a couple examples of my work.






This was my first drawing after reading a book called How to Draw Like like Pictures from Photographs". I think that's the title. It's by Lee Hammond. If you have any basic drawing skills you can get better reading this book. You must work hard and really apply what you learn.

I've Got it Pretty Good

I definitely had a bad year in 2007. I could say I felt sorry for myself and throw a pity party. There were several times throughout my illness I wanted to do just that. I was never in the right place to cry. I remember choking back the tears so many times. I want to let loose but there were several reason I didn't.

1. My kids. I didn't want them to think I was going to die.
2. My husband. He was being strong for me, but I also didn't want to scare him thinking I'd lost hope. He needed to know I was tough enough to beat it.
3. I was always in front of a doctor or around the family.

So I never really just broke down. Oh I have cried. Just not ever like that. I didn't cry like I imagined I would. I get emotional during Kleenex commercials so honestly, you'd think I would have that moment. Then I come across a blog of a man who lost his wife to cancer, then his dad. Other terrible things happened to him as well. I also read another ladies blog who lost 5 people to cancer in a short time. I may have had a hard time, but you know there is always someone out there who had it harder. I am thankful for my happy ending. I am thankful I am here with my children and that I made it through something so difficult with a beauty baby too! Thanksgiving is upon us and boy do I have a lot to put on my list.

While I was going through my illness and the few times I did allow myself a few tears it was when hearing a certain song. It wasn't sitting around feeling sorry for myself either...though I think still I'd have been perfectly justified in doing so. I never really thought there was anything wrong with it. It may have been good for me even. But with my children, I just didn't want them to see that. So I listened to this song, by Lindsey Haun. The song is to a great CMT movie, Broken Bridges with Toby Keith. The song however, I relate to something completely different. Listen to the words. This song strengthened me. The words encouraged me and helped me to see a stronger, brighter, better day. I wanted to share it because honestly this song applies to anyone going through a hard time.

*video was slowing down my blog. So I removed it. Find "Broken" by Lindsey Haun on Youtube. It's a wonderful song.

For Our Veterans

I know it's late today but I still am thinking of you all and want to thank you for all you have done for us! To Honor You I am posting this song. I love this song...can't embed it so here is a link:

Some Gave All

Husband's Coffin Kills Wife?? Seriously?

Yes. I just read it on MSNBC. Seriously. There was a traffic accident on the way to the cemetery and the coffin hit her in the back of the head. She was just 67. Her son was with her in the hearse. I read that the father was dancing the previous weekend and had a heart attack. Now his mother is gone too. I cannot imagine! How completely unexpected. I think the whole situation has got to be a first. Still, my heart goes out to the family. Not only did they have to deal with the loss of two loved ones, but in such a very creepy way.

Radiation Was Not What I Had Expected

I think I had a whole lot of ideas in my mind about what radiation treatment would be and I think for the most part I was pretty far off. You can have all kinds of side effects. Some people have worse effects from that than the chemo. Luckily I was not one of those. I really don't remember feeling much if any side effects. I was already tired so I don't know if radiation made it worse. I didn't really get a sore throat like they completely expected me to. I didn't get a burn like a sunburn in the radiated area. So I think all in all I was pretty lucky as far as that goes. Radiation started December 3 2007 I believe. I had just delivered Gabriella on the 17th of November.

My first appointment took the longest. I had to go in and get scans, measurements, adjustments. It's amazing how even a slight movement affects the radiation. They would quite literally poke me to the left or right with a finger so softly you wouldn't believe they'd moved you at all. I had to lie down on the table that you get your radiation on but I lied down on this crinkly white almost Floam type of material. Do you know what Floam is? Well it reminded me of that. Then I have no idea how but all the sudden this stuff started tightening around me. My arms, head, sides, etc. Pretty soon they had a hard solid mold of my body. Each day when I got my radiation I would like down in this mold to make sure I was always in the same position. They'd still roll me this way and that way but I had to lie in that mold. The radiation machine was large. It was open. There was this huge arm that came out over my head. They inserted this huge heavy looking Plexiglas type of thing. It was big, square with random drilled holes. It looked like something a kid could do. They slid that thing into the machine and then would leave the room. The lights would go down, the machine made a very very faint buzzing noise. It would do this for a minute or 2, click a few times then buzz again. All in all maybe 5 minutes tops. That was it. I was done. It felt like nothing had even been done.

I had to do that 17 times. Like I said, I had no side effects at all from it that I know of. Not everyone is guaranteed to be that way but this was just my own little personal experience. I don't state any of it in a professional medical point of view but just your average person point of view. I didn't mind it honestly. I got to know the people there and they seemed genuinely happy to see me when I came in. I made them all cookies for Christmas. At my last treatment we all said with a chuckle, that we hoped to never see each other again.