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Gabbi is 5 Years Old!
And I am 5 Years in Remission

Friday, December 12, 2008

Christmas Program

Great socks mom!!!



My daughter Angelina has the long red hair



There is nothing quite like a Christmas program to get you into the Christmas spirit. The only bad thing about small towns is the fact that there is never enough room in the schools for all the people to sit and watch. It was awful at first. We were standing in the center isle. There was nowhere to sit and nowhere to stand up against a wall. There wasn't even standing room. So here we are in the center isle not sure what to do. It is our first year at this particular school. The hubby did however go to school here for awhile as a child.

Anyway, finally the school must have realized the problem. Not only were we in the center isle but there was a LINE behind us. People were still trying to come in. Where would any of us even go? Finally the principal opened up another row of bleachers that had been vacant. Why? I don't know. Regardless we sat down and had a good time. Gabbi was so good and clapped after each song. She just likes to clap when other people do. She loves all people. She smiles and grins and doesn't even get a tiny bit scared. I have a dear friend online who made her a pair of socks. I run a crochet site and she helps me manage it. She sent Gabbi some adorable beaded socks. Gabbi played with them through the whole concert. She'd eat the beads given the chance so it's not too often I let her put them on. She literally eats ANYTHING she can get her hands on.

My oldest daughter Lexi started band this year and chose drums. She is such a tomboy and SO much like her dad. She however still enjoys the girly things. I passed onto her my love of clothes, shoes and purses. Yet she'll hop on a four wheeler and go crazy....if I let her. =/

My middle child is probably my most difficult. Well she was my middle child I suppose until I had Gabbi. Mikayla fainted when she was a baby. One year old and she fainted when she got hurt, or upset. That was a stressful time let me tell you. She doesn't do it anymore. Now she is a kid with constant tummy aches. She has seen the doc many times and it appears to be just an issue she'll outgrow. I'm taking her again anyway. I'd hate living like that.

After Mikayla I suffered a miscarriage. It was a boy. We know because of tests done. That was a seriously difficult time as well. But we healed. Time really does heal all wounds.

My daughter Angelina was born with a hemangioma on her bottom lip. If you do not know what that is, well it's a benign tumor technically but really just a birthmark that grows rapidly. She was on steroids at 3 months of age. We got the growth stopped thank God because they can get so bad. I made a lot of friends when researching info on that. I was on the news for that too!! haha I think I keep getting my 15 minutes. Next year I hope I can make it onto a certain talent show I ALMOST got on this year. Anyway....that's a bit of info on my kids and my interesting life. Honestly I feel like my nerves have been tested. I'm ever so slightly neurotic. hee hee. I try not to be and I think I'm getting better with age! There are absolutely no promises in life. And that's ok. I just roll with the punches and I'm stronger because of it. I like who I've become after all the trials and tribulations I have been through. I'm not perfect by any means at all but I do strive to be a good mom, a good wife and that's all one can do right? :)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Day With the Hubby

Well I haven't been home at all today. I spent a lot of good quality time with my husband, Jason. We hadn't done any Christmas shopping yet (gasp) so we had my mother stay with Gabriella and off we went. We had a wonderful time and got some really nice gifts for the girls. I love feeling like they are going to have a good Christmas. It's the only thing that matters at all to me.

I had planned on taking Gabbi with us, but you know, sometimes you just need alone time. I think it's nice walking hand in hand and just not worrying about the diaper that needs changed, or anything else at least for a short time. After thirteen years of marriage there comes a time when it feels good to just take a few moments to say I love you and pretend like it's just the two of you. Then it's back to the real world with four children! haha I enjoy it while it lasts though.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas is Coming and Another Follow Up Not Far Behind


Yes Christmas is so close. It seems to be so far away all year then BAM. It's here before you have time to do any shopping. I love Christmas time really. I enjoy the music. I enjoy the snow if we get any. I don't like driving on it, but that's another story. I like that warm cozy feeling you get with a cup of hot coffee, a good book and a soft snow outside. That's like top of the list for my favorite things to do. This is my first Christmas in my own home too. We bought a house early this year and so I am making the most of my very first Christmas in my own home and my first Christmas in remission. I took the girls to the mall to see Santa and ride the little train they have this week. Angel and Gabriella sat on Santa's lap and I couldn't resist buying a picture. Gabriella was smiling huge and waving at Santa and anyone who walked by. See her arm slightly raised? She kept waving at everyone. I had so many people comment on how happy she is and how so many kids cry on Santa's lap. Not my Gabbi!!! She thought he was pretty awesome. haha

Now I realize January 23rd is not that close. It's still pretty far off right? Well it seems like tomorrow. It's my next follow up and I always get panicky around that time. I'll probably develop all kinds of symptoms in the next few months. I'm sure I'll blog about it. I have to remind myself it's normal. I have to tell myself repeatedly it's just because I am having a check up. Still, I get nervous. I feel the pressure in my veins more. I feel more aches and stuff or maybe I just notice the usual parts of...ahem...getting older and think it's cancer. How lovely hmmm? I know I have mentioned it before but my birthday is smack dab in the middle of all this too. I apologize to my readers for saying I felt 33 was old. I mean just for ME. haha Since I barely feel 25 most days this is odd for me. I don't really *feel* older. Even the cancer couldn't stop me in my tracks. I don't even think it gave me any wrinkles. (sigh of relief) I know they are coming though and as long as I am with those I love and surrounded by people who love me, I really don't mind. Bring em on!!!

The Spider


Well I decided to start off the day with something funny. Sorry by the way for my lack in card dropping and posting but my laptop is still out of commission. I try to get on this family computer as often as I can but it's just not the same!

Ok. For the funny part. In around 2005 or 2006 I was home alone. I was doing some laundry in my basement. Now this was a very large house and the basement was concrete. So one day I was separating the whites from the darks. I had large mounds of laundry on the floor and I was picking them up and placing them in the right basket. As I did this I saw something move in the pile I just placed in a basket. In the top of the mound under a few shirts and poking out his 2 incredibly long front legs was the most gigantic black spider I have ever seen. Now I have seen many large spiders. Wolf spiders get pretty big and those are really common around here. This guy was pitch black. I still have no idea what he was. I did realize I had just had him in my arms though. In the laundry. *Shiver*

So, I am stuck in my basement. The washer is to the left. The basket in the center isle loaded with laundry and a huge spider. What to do??? I panicked mostly because I had no idea if it was poisonous. I am not afraid of spiders in a controlled setting like a zoo...or something. haha I don't want one on my laundry or running across my arm. Which has also happened, but totally another story. Anyway....I had to get out of the basement. I crawled on top of the washer and squeezed myself behind the water heater and ran upstairs.

OK. Now what? I can't let a big huge giant black spider roam free right? I couldn't ever do the laundry again either. haha So I wanted some bug spray but had none. I grabbed a broom and the only spray in the house. Scrubbing Bubbles.

Oh yes. Here is where it gets funny. So...imagine a 5'2", small girl creeping up on a big hairy black spider and working up the nerve to spray him with a can of foaming bubbles. I laugh thinking of this and how serious I was. I finally worked up the nerve. I figured, I'd stun him then whack him with the broom. I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed. Before I knew it, I had a large blob of bubbles running across my basement floor. JUST bubbles. You couldn't see any spider. It was just a gigantic blob of bubbles running...and me chasing it with a broom. I tried to smoosh him but I think he was a super spider because I'd smash and he'd run again. He got under some boards and that was it. I never saw him again.

This was all before I got sick. This is why I need my hubby here, to kill my spiders for me. :)

Monday, December 8, 2008

The Day I Stopped Singing

This one is something that is very personal and not really something I shared before other than maybe with my husband. I come from a family who loves to sing and I am no exception. I was raised in the church so I grew up singing hymns. I always enjoyed it and from a young age was told I had a good voice. That was all it took for me to belt it out. As I grew older I realized where my voice needed improvement. I never wanted to be one of those people who *thought* they could sing but only embarrassed themselves!! Eeeek. So I would record myself. You always sound different when you record yourselves. Sometimes I would just cringe at how awful I was or other times I would smile because I got it right. It is my favorite way to practice.

I realized I couldn't sing as well before anything happened. I'd try to sing and when holding a note I didn't run out of breath my throat literally closed off. I would feel terrible pressure in my veins. My neck would bulge, my face would turn red and then nothing. Not a squeak, or an off key note just nothing. Not even air. I was so scared. I figured my thyroid was the culprit. I was not so lucky.

I finally did get winded just singing a note or two. I couldn't breathe more than 2 words without gasping. I kept trying and it kept hurting. So one day, I decided I couldn't sing anymore. I came to the conclusion that until I figured out what was wrong, and until I could breathe normally again I was only damaging my voice by trying. I cried. It was a hard day but a realization I had to come to.

My mother in law cried when she heard me sing again. It brought tears to my own eyes because I had no idea it meant so much to her. She cried that she feared she would never hear me sing again. I have been in competitions and almost got on a talent show that I am not able to mention because I signed a contract. Grrrr. I'd love to show off but cannot. Those close to me already know. haha Anyway maybe this year. I'll try again. My voice is back. I sing again. My veins still bulge. Though not as much. I'll never have the air back I used to have but I can sing again and I'm thankful for that. I'd post another video of me singing but unfortunately I have shut down my youtube for now for personal reasons.

It's sad to me because I remember the precise second I decided to stop singing. I am so glad I can sing now!

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Note! Villagephotos disappeared randomly. My pictures are NOT working that I have linked. I had to file a BBB claim with them for money they continued to charge me, regardless of the fact their site is now gone. I lost well over 1000 pictures with them!