Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Thursday, March 4, 2010

My Whole Family is Sick

So far the only two not throwing up are me and Angelina. Gabbi went back to daycare today after not puking all day yesterday. I thought she was better, though not eating much. She then started puking at daycare of course. What to do?

My husband picked her up, brought her home and I got home after my class. By supper time no one was feeling great. Right after supper the hubby starting throwing up, then immediately following my oldest daughter got sick. Now another daughter is sick. It's picking us off one by one!!

Tomorrow is a big day for me. I have a Pathophysiology test (which I am finding difficult to study for tonight!) and then I have a 3 hour lab. I practice for my Health Assessment proficiency. I have to know how to do a full cardiac, respiratory and abdominal exam including a Basic Exam. I have to know it all in order from start to finish. I need to go to this lab. I am kind of freaked out about the proficiency. It's so insane.

Now here's to hoping I do not catch this bug!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Bad Dream, Sort Of

It was a bad dream. There is no doubt. However, I felt like I saw my dad really, I will take it. It was so strange. Thinking about it today made me start to feel emotional in class so I had to push it out of my head.

Here is the dream: I was in a room with my dad. He was lying in bed. I don't know why I couldn't dream him standing and healthy, but he was in bed. However he didn't look sick. He was just in bed. I knew though that he was dead. I didn't want to tell him. I was so sad and we were just chatting then I leaned close and whispered in his ear "Did you know that you're dead?" He looked at me sad, like he did but wished he didn't have to tell me. He seemed so sad because he didn't want to hurt his girls. It's like I knew this. He didn't want to say yes, not because HE was scared but he was worried about us. Not just me. In my dream I clearly knew. I felt it. He was worried about his girls. I started crying and told him it was true. I kept saying "You're dead dad. You died. You died."

Then, that's all I remember. Now I'm emotional again. I love you dad.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

How Did You First Notice It?

This is probably the most commonly asked questioned I get regarding my cancer. As soon as someone finds out I had it they want to know what I noticed to make me suspect I had it. There is the typical list of symptoms for Hodgkin's Disease but I am here to tell you, I didn't have many of those. Let's give MY list:

1. Pressure in my throat. First thing I noticed and ironically I remember the very FIRST time I felt it. I felt this weird pressure in my chest, not a pain. It moved up toward the bottom of my neck. I distinctly remember it. I was driving and I thought, this is a weird sensation. Maybe I have cancer. Then I laughed it off, because it was utterly ridiculous.

2. More pressure in my neck. I felt like someone had their thumbs jammed onto both sides of my neck 24/7. This was the worst symptom for me. I hated it. I felt like I wanted to cough up a tennis ball. Just get it OUT. This was terrible. I complained a lot. I had thyroid sonograms every 3 months because they blamed my thyroid. I do have thyroid nodules. 4 to be exact. The biggest one you can slightly see. Yeah...I know. I hate it. Along with these I got some rashes on my eyelids, supposedly eczema, swelling eyelids in the mornings too.

3. I started wheezing a little bit, or crackling when I breathed. My hubby would tickle me down on the floor and I would start wheezing like I had a dust allergy or something. I would cough and my throat would feel itchy.

4. Whenever my hubby hugged me or if I leaned against something with my chest area it would trigger me to cough, sometimes a lot.

5. Eventually the wheezing got worse and I had shortness of breath. I saw an Ear, Nose and Throat doc who put me on Singular and Allegra and it actually helped me to breath at night.

6. The wheezing and breathing got much worse around the time we were moving and it would be around the time I got pregnant too. The symptoms were awful but I dealt with them before. By this time I was pale, weak and tired. I had a hard time walking up and down the stairs. It was awful packing and trying to move. Sweeping and vacuuming, I felt so lazy. I felt like I couldn't do anything. My sister helped me and I was wondering how she had so much energy. It gets depleted at such a slow rate that you get used to it. You don't realize how much different it is.

7. I coughed up flecks of blood in my phlegm. I really KNEW something was terribly wrong. Kept telling myself I had a chest infection or it was from coughing so hard.

8. Had to sleep sitting upright. Not 2 pillows, not 3, but 5. I had to or I could NOT breathe at all. I would choke and gasp wheezing all night. I had no faith in the docs anymore. My symptoms started in 2004 and this was 2007. All I heard was "Your thyroid isn't big enough to be causing these symptoms, come back in 3 months. Or you have allergies...or it might be asthma. I even had a CT of my sinuses for crying out loud. I had thyroid tests, scans and swallowed a camera TWICE and two thyroid biopsies which involve fine long needles in your neck. Not fun.

9. I did get a low grade fever ONE time but that was shortly before diagnosis. I also got to the point where I could not lift my arms to even put my hair up because it choked me and literally cut off my circulation. My face turned red, my veins bulged out and just felt like someone was choking me.

I keep thinking of more.....they keep coming to me....but you get the idea here. It was bad.

Finally I got an MRI. I did this 2 weeks after I knew I was pregnant. Within a day or two they told me I needed to see the oncologist and the next day I was having major biopsy surgery. That was May 4 2007. I had my first chemo May 22, 2007. (Those weeks were the longest of my life. I felt like I was dying and I was. The docs didn't expect me to last 3 weeks.) Never could understand how they could tell me "You can't wait for chemo until your second trimester. You won't last 3 weeks." Then I still wait about 2 from the time they said that. Hmmm I knew I had cancer at 7 weeks....and my first chemo I was 10 weeks along. So do the math. My last chemo was October 23 2007. I had my baby girl on November 17th 2007. My first radiation was Dec 3, 2007. My last was sometime in January. I actually forget ONE date! haha Then my clear scan was February 8th, 2008. I am just 2 years in remission.

Some people are planning exotic or fun trips for their spring break. I just scheduled my oncology follow up for spring break. That way I don't miss class. It's technically overdue. I have to fit these into my schedule but it's so hard yet very important! It's going to be odd being the patient again after practicing as the nurse these past couple of months. I need pics for you guys in my lab coat!! haha

I am praying for a good follow up and appreciate your prayers for the same.

On a sad side note, Gabbi has started throwing up. Definitely nothing to do with the milk allergy this time. My baby girl has a tummy ache. :(

EDIT* Just noticed that one of the ads on my sidebar for Spott says "free video" and it's a half naked chick. Ummmmm whoa. I didn't think ads like that came through Spott? I don't approve those...they rotate on their own.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Fortune Cookie Comments?

These past few weeks I have noticed some comments I get on this blog leave me a little confused. I think someone is leaving words of wisdom on my posts and not direct responses to what I post. If you post "You can heal your life" on a post about too much homework, well....I really don't get that. I hesitate approving that comment. Just what are you talking about? I have gotten a few lately. Sometimes they don't match what I write at all. I have decided to call them fortune cookie comments since they are more like your thought for the day rather than a reply to what I write.

By the way, I prefer you to actually READ what I write. If not? Please, just don't comment with spam or something to promote what you're selling. Anyway, after a series of comments that resembled a fortune I had to say something. Do you get these too on your blogs?

What IS a Lazy Sunday?

I'll be so glad when summer rolls around and I can have some again. Then again, I may not want to just sit around and be lazy. I have big plans. I want to take my girls to the zoo and maybe travel a bit if it's even remotely possible. I need to enjoy the time I have off while I still can. I am pretty excited about it.

I am so anxious about warm weather!!! I am really looking forward to like 50 to 60 degree days. I am hoping small for now. I literally cannot wait. Until then I have to go study! Have a great Sunday all and wish me luck. My clinicals start in 2 weeks. I was just told I will be on the surgical floor! I am really excited to start. I am lucky to have a lot of great teachers and friends at this school.