Monday, December 17, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
So I got my port removed today. I was totally freaked out because for the surgery to put it in I was totally put to sleep. This time? They kept me awake and used a local anesthetic. I hate those because they burn so bad at first. He pokes me all over with this thing. Yes it hurt pretty bad. But you know, I grin and bear it. He says he doesn't like the scar I got. It shouldn't have gotten so wide and he doesn't know why it did. So he says he'll cut the scar off and try to make a thinner line this time. So he starts to cut and towards the end I feel it. OUCH. He injects more anesthetic. Then cuts more...a few cuts later I feel it again. He injects more anesthetic. By then I am good and numb and I feel tugging and hear the skin snipping. Then he gets that done and starts the removal of the port. He says he'll pull the tube out of my vein first, so I feel pulling and tugging (which is pretty gross feeling). Then he gets the tube out. He shows me. It's SOOO much longer than I expected. It's quite long and I can't fully explain it.The tube looks blue. Then he says he'll now remove the actual port part which is the big round part. He pulls and tugs more and says it's coming out really easy. But it feels incredibly weird. I feel some liquid start pouring down my side and onto my back. I am thinking it could be blood but it felt cool, not warm like I'd expect. It WAS blood. Anyway he gets the port out, and shows me which is totally cool because I have had this thing for almost a year and never saw it. I wanted to see it. So then he says he wants to make it heal better and for the scar to not be as wide so he was cutting away some *fibrous tissue* from under the area where the scar will be. I have no idea what that means or how it helps...but OK. The nurse giggles and says he's cutting away some fatty tissue and then laughs and says I don't have any to spare. I like that nurse by the way. ;) Then he cuts and snips and pulls...and I try not to look while he pulls this chunk of flesh out of me. Yes ewww. :) Anyway he then stitches me up. I have no idea how many stitches I got but it felt like a whole lot. I am all bandaged up right now so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to really get a look at it. I am portless now! Wooooot! I am so glad it's gone.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Saturday, December 8, 2007
I have 17 treatments in total and I have done 3. I need prayers though because we are having some ice storms this weekend. I want the roads to be clear when we travel on Monday. I do not care for driving on ice! So far I am not feeling much for side effects. It seems I am doing okay at this point. Gabbi is sleeping right now, making some noises. I wonder what she dreams about. She moans and sometimes seems to actually laugh or giggle. But she is only 3 weeks....so I am not sure what she is doing. Now she is kicking her legs and making a sad face. Hmmm do babies have bad dreams? I wonder strange things. :) It's been a long journey getting my sweet baby here but I am thankful for every single second I have with her. God gave me such a wonderful gift. I have four beautiful little girls. I couldn't ever ask for something more wonderful. I didn't do much today. It's Saturday and I do not have treatments on the weekends. So I get to relax. My mother in law has been staying with us while I am going through radiation to help out. She left last night to go visit her mother. Her dad ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. He is about 90 years old so please remember him in your prayers. It's odd. My mother in law moved very far away, came up here to visit us. We happen to live about 50 minutes from her mom and dad. So her dad got sick and she was able to visit him! I think that's pretty amazing. I am going to add a few more pics. Baby is fussing so time for me to go! :)
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Well I haven't updated in forever and I feel bad. Things got busy and crazy around here. I ended up in the hospital at around 30 weeks pregnant for 5 days. Chemo triggered some Braxton Hicks type contractions. I didn't dilate or anything like that. But these contractions were every 2 to 3 minutes and wouldn't stop. So I went in and they gave me 3 shots of something to stop them. Those only worked temporarily. They gave me two steroid injections in 24 hours for baby's lungs. I was then put on a magnesium drip that made me very high. I couldn't focus my eyes on anything. I may not have minded, had it not given me a terrible headache and the worst reflux of my life. But it stopped the contractions. First I was Life Flighted to a better hospital. I was there a total of 5 days. I dreaded my last chemo for this reason. Thank God I had only one left. It did start the contractions though. But they were able to stop them quicker this time and I only stayed in the hospital for one night. At 36 weeks pregnant I got up in the night to go potty as usual. I layed down on the couch and when I rolled my big belly over I heard a pop. I was kind of half asleep so I wasn't sure exactly what the sound was. I tried to go back to sleep and rolled over again. This time, I felt a small gush of fluid and thought I may have peed myself but then, it didn't FEEL like I peed. And I never had to even go. I had just went. So I sat up, dazed, confused...thinking it could have been my water. I got up went to the bathroom, no leaking. I then got up again, took a step or two and that's when the gushing started. My water had broken! This was unexpected as this was my fourth child and never had my water broken before labor before. So, I wake up my hubby and we get in the car and rush to the hospital. Again, because of my cancer and the baby being early I had to be life flighted to the hospital that specializes in preterm babies. So I got there about 6:30 a.m. and due to the long drive my hubby didn't get there until 10:00 a.m. I got an epidural and felt pretty good. I pushed for 10 minues and little Gabriella Faith joined us at 2:10 p.m. on November 17, 2007 weighing in at 6 lbs. 2.8 oz and 18 inches long. She has adorable strawberry blonde hair and is welcomed home by her big sisters Alexandra, Mikayla and Angelina. We are all so thankful she made it through this ordeal. She is early but strong. She needed no NICU and is doing great. I did take her into the hospital once because of some fast breathing. She has reflux. Please keep my baby girl in your prayers. I believe she has a great purpose for making it into this world and I worry about her. The more prayers out there, the stronger I am. I appreciate all those who have followed her story and mine. Though I think so much as this is the story of her life. I had been on birth control. I only went off it for 3 weeks and was pregnant. I didn't plan on more children. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. Then a specialist said to abort her. She made it through everything. She is strong and my love for her is beyond compare. I will continue to update this blog throughout my radiation treatments and as often as I can think about. I start radiation December 3rd. That will be 5 days a week for 4 weeks. I have to drive baby there 1 1/2 hours each way. Gas will be expensive and I am worried about her being out everyday in the cold. So please continue to pray! I appreciate it. I am going to try and attach some pictures.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Current mood: content
Well, yesterday was my 7th chemo. I got there a bit after 9 and they called me in to insert the IV into my port. Again tried to draw blood through it to no avail. It just will not work. Not for blood draws anyway. It hurt when she jabbed the needle into my port. Worse than it ever has. I don't know why. Sometimes I can barely feel it, then others I feel it bad. You all need to understand what this port is. I have a plastic drum inserted under my skin. You can see a bump on my upper left chest. Not super big but it's there. Then a tube is running through my vein from the port. That tube and drum are always there until I have it removed. I can feel it under the skin. Anyway, so then the nurse picks of the syringe to flush the port. She pushes the syringe down and it won't budge. OK. This was odd. She realizes she hasn't clamped down the port needle or something and so she puts her hands on it and pushes, HARD. Ouch! Finally she gets the thing flushed and then has to draw from my arm again to get blood. Why, my veins hurt today I don't know. Last time she bruised me and it didn't hurt. This week she bragged about not bruising me and it hurt worse than any shot or needle I have ever had. She inserted this thing and it burned like my arm was on fire. I grimaced and held tight to the chair while waiting for my blood to fill up in this stupid thing. Finally it was done and my arm was tender and my port. So I see the doc, explain the lumpy throat feeling. Not too concerned, we will just watch it. It comes and goes I have noticed. One day it bothers me, the next I barely notice it. Who knows. Anyway, I get in the chair for chemo. Appointment at 9:30. Chemo started around 11 something. Yes, I wait so long on these days. She put in the syringe to flush it again. This has to be done lots of times. Anyway it wouldn't go in again so she had to grab the plastic bit around the needle and push down again. She pushed and jabbed and wiggle the port around. OUCH! I avoid hitting this thing, anyone touching it, moving around. And here she is just grinding it. I was seriously sore after this one. Anyway she got it to work alright and we started the chemo. I got done about 1:15 with all of it. While I was sitting there getting my chemo I noticed a very frail old man across from me. He had no port and they were trying to insert the IV into his arm. I saw him grimacing and stretching out in silent pain. His daughter (I assume) was holding his hand tight. Poor old guy. His cheeks were sunken in and he was skinnier than I ever was. (lol) Anyway, this nurse gives up and the guy has several bandages on his arm. This was obviously not her first try today. Another nurse came and tried the other arm. I swear it took them a good 30 minutes to insert his IV while I tried not to look too much. It's hard when he is right there though. Poor guy. After it got inserted he slept in that chair the rest of the day. I left before him and he was still sleeping. So, it could definitely be worse. Everyone sitting in one of those chairs there has a story. I can't help but wonder. Anyway that was my day. It was not too bad. I had dinner afterwards at a restaurant in the mall. I had an awesome chicken parmesan. It was the best perhaps I've ever eaten. So my day didn't end too bad and I feel good today :) My hemoglobin was low again, or in other words I am anemic as usual with this chemo. Nothing I can do about it though. But my white blood count was good so I am happy. :)
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
From July 17th
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Had a good weekend
Friday itself was not good. I was very sick for some reason....nauseas all day starting early in the morning. I was awful all day and wondering WHY it was so bad again. But by Saturday morning I felt pretty good. I went to a family reunion, said hello to everyone. I haven't seen anybody except my parents and my older sister since this whole thing started. (I am sorry I missed you this weekend by the way Dee! I got into town later than planned and when I called you weren't home.) But anyway, I got out to see Short Lived Fun (the best local band around) that night. I felt up to it so I went. I didn't stay too late. I was tired and figured not to push it. Plus there was a long drive home. But it was a good time...nice to see everyone out. I like feeling alive again. It's pretty nice! :)
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Sucks to worry about the little things
I have a *slight* sore throat. No biggie....usually. I don't want to worry about this. But strep throat was recently exposed to me...and with me being on the chemo? Yeah. I'm concerned. I hate worrying about the little stuff.
A scare, chemo number two and another surgery
Well Wednesday night of this past week I got a phone call around 10:45 p.m. from the local doc in my town about an ECHO test I had done that day. It was a standard test for someone on chemo but my test came back that I had a lot of fluid around my heart. The doc had me in a panic. I was scheduled to get a second echo the falling day at the hospital where I am being treated. After much waiting and anxiousness the test came ok. There is fluid but it's just a normal part of the Hodgkins. I had a lot of fluid in my chest when I had the biopsy as well. Anyway thank God that was ok and it should resolve itself as I get better. I started my day at the hospital at 6:30 a.m. I then had an IV inserted and some anti-nausea drugs. Then I was wheeled away to surgery for a port. A port is inserted into chest....upper left side. It is a tube that is actually inserted into my vein with a round top inserted under the skin. This round top has a rubbery or plastic cover. This is where they will do my IV's and blood draws from here on out. I had chemo at 10:00 a.m. (well I was supposed to. They didn't start until 1 p.m.! I was mad to say the least. And yes I waited and waited and waited) Anyway, they used the new port for it. They did the chemo right through the port. I guess if you get too many needles poking your veins all the time your veins can collapse. It's not good basically. I will have this thing until November. It's all bandaged up now and I am pretty sore from it. I have some strong Vicodin for it though. Should help. I haven't taken one yet. I am a little nervous about it giving me nausea. I will probably have a small bump under the skin but it shouldn't be too bad. I'm feeling quite a bit better really. I am breathing better. Thank God! I expect tomorrow I will crash hard. I got really tired last time and nauseas. So.....today will probably be my last good day for awhile. Probably 3 or 4 days at least. I hope it's not as bad as last time. Eeeek. I got done with my chemo around 3:30 or so. It sucked. Then an hour and a half drive home. It's a long day and I am ready for sleep. But that's my update for now. Feel free to ask me any questions you want. I am not bothered at all by it. This is my life for awhile. I am dealing.
Well, this year is going to be a long one. Tuesday was my first chemo. Wednesday I couldn't even get out of bed. The fatigue I have felt is impossible to explain. My arms and legs literally have had no energy. A bit more energetic today but not a whole lot. I started feeling really nauseauted last night and was not able to fall asleep until after 2. Today I have fought nausea a lot and finally gave in to it around noon. I have pills to fight it but evidently I need to take them more often or they weren't strong enough. I know they have helped....but this chemo has kicked my butt. I have a horrible lump in my throat. I swear...this lump is the worst part of it all. It is the tumor and I feel it. When I move it causes me to gag and cough. That in turn makes me feel sick. I just want this chemo to help. I can handle a little fatigure and even some nausea. I just want this shortness of breath and the lump in my neck and chest to be GONE. No idea how long that will take. =/
Well, I start chemo tomorrow morning. Every two weeks....until the end of November. I am nervous....but hopeful at the same time. I have to beat this. I want to feel better and the cure rate is really high so wish me luck all. I pray all my hair doesn't fall out but you know what? I think I'd rather live than worry about it too much.
Got my appointment!
FINALLY I got the call. I am going to St. Louis tomorrow for my appointment. I have to go to this appointment with this specialist before I can start treatments. Now...whether she'll be doing my treatments there or I'll be doing my treatments here I have no idea. But this is my very first step in getting better. I can hardly breathe, eat, sleep, etc. This is giving me hope. I don't know how I'll manage this trip but I'm gonna just be happy that I am getting in tomorrow.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Bad day today. Well starting last night really. I'm waiting and waiting to hear back from this doctor's office in St. Louis. They aren't rushing though and I am miserable. I'll have to make a 3 hour drive to get there when I finally get the appointment and treatment can't start until they see me. I can no longer sit up in bed without first feeling strangled then immediately going into such a violent coughing fit that I almost throw up each time. I am scared to just get up to go the bathroom. I have progressed to being this awful in just the past month. It's scary. I want to get better but know I'll only get worse until treatment starts. I am feeling very depressed today. I am tired of feeling sick. I am tired of coughing until it hurts. :(