Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Monday, December 8, 2008

The Day I Stopped Singing

This one is something that is very personal and not really something I shared before other than maybe with my husband. I come from a family who loves to sing and I am no exception. I was raised in the church so I grew up singing hymns. I always enjoyed it and from a young age was told I had a good voice. That was all it took for me to belt it out. As I grew older I realized where my voice needed improvement. I never wanted to be one of those people who *thought* they could sing but only embarrassed themselves!! Eeeek. So I would record myself. You always sound different when you record yourselves. Sometimes I would just cringe at how awful I was or other times I would smile because I got it right. It is my favorite way to practice.

I realized I couldn't sing as well before anything happened. I'd try to sing and when holding a note I didn't run out of breath my throat literally closed off. I would feel terrible pressure in my veins. My neck would bulge, my face would turn red and then nothing. Not a squeak, or an off key note just nothing. Not even air. I was so scared. I figured my thyroid was the culprit. I was not so lucky.

I finally did get winded just singing a note or two. I couldn't breathe more than 2 words without gasping. I kept trying and it kept hurting. So one day, I decided I couldn't sing anymore. I came to the conclusion that until I figured out what was wrong, and until I could breathe normally again I was only damaging my voice by trying. I cried. It was a hard day but a realization I had to come to.

My mother in law cried when she heard me sing again. It brought tears to my own eyes because I had no idea it meant so much to her. She cried that she feared she would never hear me sing again. I have been in competitions and almost got on a talent show that I am not able to mention because I signed a contract. Grrrr. I'd love to show off but cannot. Those close to me already know. haha Anyway maybe this year. I'll try again. My voice is back. I sing again. My veins still bulge. Though not as much. I'll never have the air back I used to have but I can sing again and I'm thankful for that. I'd post another video of me singing but unfortunately I have shut down my youtube for now for personal reasons.

It's sad to me because I remember the precise second I decided to stop singing. I am so glad I can sing now!


Paul Eilers said...

Oh, make a joyful noise!

Will you be able to sing at your church, during your Christmas special?

Sandee said...

I'm glad you can sing now too. Good for you. Have a terrific day. :)

Anonymous said...

You're my favorite voice. I'm so glad it's back!