Tuesday, October 13, 2009

It Is Not Right

I am a bit upset right now. I was just informed that a family member has basically talked to my sister on the phone and told her off and told my sister she needed "to get her priorities straight" because she hasn't been up to the hospital to see dad for a couple of days. This just shocks me. My sisters and I have been so insanely worried about my dad. This has been emotionally draining for us. My sister has called me no less than 10 to 15 times today to ask what updates I had. She couldn't get in for multiple reasons. The first being that she works full time and has taken pretty much all the time off she can. Jobs still expect you to work. She has 3 children and they aren't allowed where my dad is. So unless we ask for someone to come watch our kids every single day we can't always be there by my dad's side no matter how much we want to.

I am not one to get on my blog and air out dirty laundry. I am keeping names private. However I do want some opinions here. It's my sister's birthday and she called my mother to get an update on dad. This other family member was with my mom and immediately began yelling at my sister much to her surprise. My sister is very close to my dad. They have a wonderful relationship. He is with her all the time and her kids. This has been especially hard on her. This particular family member honestly has not had much to do with any of us over the years. I didn't know the person well really. I had no reason to think they would ever act this way. I think they jumped the gun and made ridiculous assumptions that they can now never take back.

I want to state for the family members and friends who do read my blog. We grew up with my dad. We have always been by his side. We love that man more than any of his brothers, sisters, or even parents ever could have as we should. He raised us. You may help him in other ways but he's our dad. We stood by him when he wasn't sick. We were there for him when no one else cared. I know most of the family is understanding and most of you out there wouldn't ever act this way. This is pretty much an isolated event as everyone in our family has been compassionate and so helpful. One aunt offered to watch my kids anytime. I really love my family so much. I find it so terribly unacceptable though and so utterly wrong to take the daughter of a seriously ill man and accuse her of not caring. SHAME on that person for causing more emotional pain than was already there.

Lies will be told and stories exaggerated no doubt. It boils down to the fact that we girls want our dad back. That's all.

What would you do if you were dealing with a serious illness in a parent and you had a family member who wasn't even particularly close tell you to get your priorities straight? She doesn't even have all the facts. Insane I tell you. I am doing this for my sister who is spending her birthday in tears over this. I am sure she won't mind my saying. She needs some support right about now.

10 comments:

Southern Sage said...

Well girl you can't control what other people think or say. I wouldn't pzy her z bit of mind. I wouldn't give her the pleasure of z response. if she says it again then let her have it.

I hope your dad is improving and Happy Birthday to your sis.

kalibug said...

Oh, I am so very sorry. I am praying for your sister, your mom, for you and for your dad. I wish I could give you all hugs. Praying hard that your dad is well and home soon.

Melissa said...

I think it is hard when a parent is very ill. Family members all cope in their own way, some ways others may think is strange. Lashing out, being angry, are all parts of the grieving process, and unfortunately your sister took the brunt of it. I think she should make her feelings known to the other family member, and to simply mind her own business, and keep her opinions to herself. Being supportive to each other is the most important thing right now, not being hateful.

Wiggy said...

I think it was out of order for the family member to comment without knowing all the facts as to why your sister has been unable to get. It's a really hard time for all of you, but making snide comments like that do no-one any favours

Sandee said...

I've been through this. We want world peace and can't even get along with our own families. This has always amazed me.

I hope this works itself out. :)

Lynne said...

You may want to choose to just let it go. Every one deals with crisis in a different way and, unfortunately, this family member chose to deal with it in a poor manner and take it out on your sister.
However, if you do want to say something to the family member, I would simply call and ask them if they would be willing to stay with your sister's children (if your sister is willing) while she goes to visit your dad. Make sure to mention that this is a huge reason she's not been able to spend more time than she all ready has.
You and your sister don't owe anyone any explanations for anything.

Anna said...

I agree with many of the commenters before me that it is indeed a pity that someone would critise your sister without knowing all the facts. But people can do silly things under pressure or out of guilt. You and your sister know that you have given your father your time, love and support. Maybe this person says these things because he or she actually has neglected their own personal commitments.
Good for your sister that she has such a wonderful loving sister. (I wish I had a sister who stuck up for me the way you defend your sister.)
And of course, good for your father that he has such loving children.
Hope he gets better.
Best wishes
Christina Wigren (Anna)

Jen said...

I would let the whole thing go. You can't control what other people say or do but you can control how your react or respond to it. Who knows what motivated this person but since she isn't particularly close to the family anyway I wouldn't make it worse by confronting this person. You have much more important things to be worrying about right now. This one should roll off your back. You can't please all of the people all of the time. You know the truth and that is all that matters, oh, and your dad knows the truth too.

Sheila Sultani said...

I think someone (you) should talk to the other person and set them straight - sounds like they haven't got a clue. Did someone else say something to them to make it seem like your sister didn't care or did they just pull this out of their butt? Let em have it girl!!

Glynis said...

Guilt comes out in funny ways...shouting at your sister is a way of relieving their guilt.
I have an aunt who is being nasty about my father possibly going into a home. He has Alzheimers and mum has fibrosing alveolitis, she is his only carer, I live in another country. The aunt got a call from me, I told her unless she was prepared to be useful to us, to go away, she upsets my dad.
She told me to pack my bags and get back to the UK, I am a nurse and should know my place. I pointed out to her that I have my parents stay here so mum gets respite, my aunt lives 15 mins away and has not stepped into their home for 7yrs!! I am not feeling guilty, she is. So your relative is too.
Glad your Dad is improving, he would want his daughter's refreshed and caring for his grandchildren,not haggard and moping around his bed. x