It's Getting Close, Prayers

The hospice nurse told use yesterday my dad has maybe 72 hours at most. I was with him until about 2 a.m. and decided to come get some rest. I am heading back now in a few moments. We doubt he'll last much longer. I can't help but hate that the holidays have been so bad for us. I remember how much my dad loved this time of year. My birthday is in 2 days as well. I lost one of my best friends 17 years ago on the 28th. All of these things are making this time of year harder and harder. I love the holidays too. I have to learn to separate the bad from the good. It's difficult.

Anyway, we need prayers. It gets scary sometimes listening to him breathe. I left when it sounded better. There is also a TON of snow on the ground. We got a big snow storm yesterday and it's going again now. I hope the roads aren't bad. I only have about 10 miles, but the drifting out there can get bad. I need some inner strength to get through this whole thing as well. I believe as it draws closer and closer to the very end, it will be really hard to hold it together at all.

Snowball Fight!

Made this for my girls. They really got a kick out of it.

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Sad Thoughts Today

More On My Father, Pancreatic Cancer

It has been confirmed. It is pancreatic cancer and it has metastasized all over his body. In other words, it's too late. Right now we are working on bringing home. That's where he wants to be. We will need Hospice to come in and nurses to help but somehow we'll make this work. I want my dad in his own home.

It's been a discouraging year and an even worse Christmas season for me. How can one feel any Christmas spirit when the whole month is about whether or not my dad will live or die? It's hard. I can't focus on Christmas. I have had so much to worry about.

Today I will meet my sister at the hospital to discuss the next move.

My dad is just 57 years old. Don't forget to hug your daddy this Christmas.

My Dad Has Cancer

I am exhausted. It's been a long day. They canceled my dad's surgery. They had done a biopsy prior to the surgery and saw that there was absolutely a malignancy and it had spread. At this point we don't know what kind. We don't know by the sample where it started, just that it is cancer. Of course the belief is that it is pancreatic. I have been at the hospital all day. He is weak and can hardly speak. He sleeps most of the time. This has been a very hard and difficult time for my whole family. My mother is barely keeping it together. I will write more later. It's time to rest for now.

Oh and because it spread the surgery was basically pointless. It couldn't save him anymore. So it's been a discouraging day, to say the least.