I realize that the weather has been horrible this spring but I usually absolutely love thunderstorms. I almost feel like that small pleasure has been taken from me because of all the damaging tornadoes this year. I normally never really worry too much about it. I have a nice full basement complete with a kitchen, etc. This year though I have been a little more watchful just because of the fact that the storms seem to be changing rather quickly from just a storm to dangerous. It hasn't been that way here yet and after another round of watches and warnings it seems to have passed again.
I do love a good storm though. I find them so relaxing. I like to just sit and watch. I love the smell of a thunderstorm on a really hot day.
On a different note I got another copy of Health Magazine today. The letter of the month was referring to the Pregnant With Cancer story. So cool. She won a camera for being chosen the letter of the month. Sweet!!! :)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Finally Bought My Own Domain Name! :)
You may be redirected when coming to my blog. My new blog link is www.pregnantcancer.com. I really felt it was time that I owned my own blog name. I have had this blog for a long time. I think it has helped people as well. My desire when starting this blog was just to have a place to pour my heart out when I was so worried and scared about whether or not I was going to be ok, and if I could have my baby while going through such a horrible experience. We did make it and now my goal is to get that word out. I want other women who are scared to find this blog and not just all the worst case scenarios out there that aren't offering hope. What we need at this time is hope and faith. I think it's important to think positively when going through something like this. Chemo can be given during pregnancy. Cancer can be beaten during pregnancy and the baby can make it too. I noticed that I had to re-add the networked blog widget from facebook. If you follow me through facebook please re-add me. My blog will be under www.pregnantcancer.com instead of www.pregnantcancer.blogspot.com. Both links still work however. Eventually you may get redirected. I'm so glad to make this change. It's very exciting. Share the link, spread the word. I hope to help as many people as I can.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Summer Break and Bad Dreams
When I mention bad dreams you're probably thinking zombies, or monsters chasing me, or trying to eat me. My bad dreams are more of the dork variety. (dork, nerd, geek you get the picture) You see, I am on summer break. I have had a pretty grueling semester with deadlines all over the place. I had papers to write, health fairs to contribute to, tests to study for, and more. It ended so suddenly that it feels like I still have more to do. I feel like I should NOT be sitting here pondering what book I will read for fun, where I will go today or if I should shop or go to the zoo. I know, it's sad but true.
I had a dream last night that I was wrong. I wasn't supposed to be on vacation and I had missed two days of class. I then wondered what I could ever do to convince my professors that it was ok. Pathetic. I know. I had dreams at the beginning of the semester about being late to clinical. That is a very bad thing so I used to dream I was all the time. I am sleeping so well lately and loving every minute of it.....except when I have nightmares that I shouldn't be doing it. =/
I had a dream last night that I was wrong. I wasn't supposed to be on vacation and I had missed two days of class. I then wondered what I could ever do to convince my professors that it was ok. Pathetic. I know. I had dreams at the beginning of the semester about being late to clinical. That is a very bad thing so I used to dream I was all the time. I am sleeping so well lately and loving every minute of it.....except when I have nightmares that I shouldn't be doing it. =/
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The Reason I Blog
It's true, I probably would have blogged about the cancer regardless, but this is the face of all I hoped for throughout that pregnancy. She is the reason my symptoms got worse, and got my butt to the doctor. She is the reason I looked forward to life, instead of fearing death. She is what gave me hope. My Gabriella Faith is now 3 1/2 years old. Amazing. :)
Friday, May 6, 2011
Statistics and Numbers Sometimes Mean Nothing
One thing that always drove me a bit batty when I was sick was the fact that as soon as someone heard I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma and knew that the cure rate was pretty good, they acted like "oh she's fine." Wait. Let me get this straight. Because a cancer has a high cure rate I am ok? I am fine? I am not sick? Or I am not as sick as someone who say has, breast cancer?
I want to set the record straight here. Hodgkin's Lypmphoma DOES have a good cure rate. It used to be almost ALWAYS fatal until they discovered the chemo regimen that could kill it. The specific drugs have changed over time. The most frequently used now would be ABVD. I have described it a few times on this blog. If you are interested in reading up on Hodgkin's and it's history here is a link: http://knol.google.com/k/hodgkin-lymphoma#
Going back to what I was saying, I suffered for a long time. I was so sick. I had a pressure in my neck that became constant. I walked around, feeling like someone had their thumbs jammed into the sides of my neck 24/7. It was always worse at night. I would have shortness of breath, difficulty sleeping, eventually wheezing and more. I felt so tired. I had a hard time walking up stairs. Talking became a chore. I got short of breath after one or 2 words. It sounded like a I had run a mile. I felt embarrassed about it. I didn't know why I was so short of breath. I had symptoms that went undiagnosed from around 2004 to 2007. By the beginning of 2007 I was packing up my house and moving. I was working very hard and cleaning, packing up boxes etc. I was pale white. I was wheezing constantly. I was so short of breath I felt like I must be sick or have asthma or something.
There were a couple of times I had coughed up some blood. When I say that, I don't mean I threw up blood. I mean, I coughed up flecks of blood. It almost looked like....a clot. Really it was odd. I told myself, that I had gotten some blood from coughing so hard. I had developed a nasty cough after all. I kept a lot of it to myself. I was scared and the docs kept saying I had an enlarged thyroid. I had a CT of my sinuses. Long story short, by the time April of 2007 rolled around I slept with 5 pillows behind my back so I could sleep sitting straight up. I was so sick. If I layed flat, I could not breathe. I had to sit up. I felt choked 24/7. I gasped for breath. I finally saw a doctor who LISTENED. I had an MRI. They found the cancer. I was in surgery on May 2, 2007. They diagnosed me for sure about a week later. The piece of tumor they had gotten out was so hard they could not cut it with the scalpel. They had to send it to the Mayo clinic for diagnosis.
While waiting for treatment to begin and laying in my bed I could not move left. I could not move right. I had to stay totally still because if I moved I could not breathe. If I moved I would be thrown into such a hideous coughing fit that it hurt. I felt pains stabbing into my left shoulder blade like someone jabbing a knife repeatedly into my shoulder. I kid you not. This is how it felt. I watched TV in my bed. I could not hug my children. I could not talk well. I thought i was dying. I knew right then and there, that if it was a terminal cancer I would want to die right then. I knew without a doubt it was wrong to make a person suffer like that. I knew it. It was hideous and cruel. Every second. Every breath hurt. Each moment ticked by like a snail crossing a highway. It dragged on and I suffered more.
So....when someone says that Hogkin's is so curable, don't forget that this is what we want for every cancer, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't cause pain and that it doesn't hurt and that people don't die from it, because they do. Don't minimize it. I felt at death's door and they told me I wasn't going to last 3 weeks without treatment. My life was saved by these chemo drugs. My daughter's life was saved as well. We are here because of it and I'm thankful for it. I have met new people recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's and they get the same thing. We are thankful for the cure rate but it still hurts and it's still scary as hell. Remember that.
I want to set the record straight here. Hodgkin's Lypmphoma DOES have a good cure rate. It used to be almost ALWAYS fatal until they discovered the chemo regimen that could kill it. The specific drugs have changed over time. The most frequently used now would be ABVD. I have described it a few times on this blog. If you are interested in reading up on Hodgkin's and it's history here is a link: http://knol.google.com/k/hodgkin-lymphoma#
Going back to what I was saying, I suffered for a long time. I was so sick. I had a pressure in my neck that became constant. I walked around, feeling like someone had their thumbs jammed into the sides of my neck 24/7. It was always worse at night. I would have shortness of breath, difficulty sleeping, eventually wheezing and more. I felt so tired. I had a hard time walking up stairs. Talking became a chore. I got short of breath after one or 2 words. It sounded like a I had run a mile. I felt embarrassed about it. I didn't know why I was so short of breath. I had symptoms that went undiagnosed from around 2004 to 2007. By the beginning of 2007 I was packing up my house and moving. I was working very hard and cleaning, packing up boxes etc. I was pale white. I was wheezing constantly. I was so short of breath I felt like I must be sick or have asthma or something.
There were a couple of times I had coughed up some blood. When I say that, I don't mean I threw up blood. I mean, I coughed up flecks of blood. It almost looked like....a clot. Really it was odd. I told myself, that I had gotten some blood from coughing so hard. I had developed a nasty cough after all. I kept a lot of it to myself. I was scared and the docs kept saying I had an enlarged thyroid. I had a CT of my sinuses. Long story short, by the time April of 2007 rolled around I slept with 5 pillows behind my back so I could sleep sitting straight up. I was so sick. If I layed flat, I could not breathe. I had to sit up. I felt choked 24/7. I gasped for breath. I finally saw a doctor who LISTENED. I had an MRI. They found the cancer. I was in surgery on May 2, 2007. They diagnosed me for sure about a week later. The piece of tumor they had gotten out was so hard they could not cut it with the scalpel. They had to send it to the Mayo clinic for diagnosis.
While waiting for treatment to begin and laying in my bed I could not move left. I could not move right. I had to stay totally still because if I moved I could not breathe. If I moved I would be thrown into such a hideous coughing fit that it hurt. I felt pains stabbing into my left shoulder blade like someone jabbing a knife repeatedly into my shoulder. I kid you not. This is how it felt. I watched TV in my bed. I could not hug my children. I could not talk well. I thought i was dying. I knew right then and there, that if it was a terminal cancer I would want to die right then. I knew without a doubt it was wrong to make a person suffer like that. I knew it. It was hideous and cruel. Every second. Every breath hurt. Each moment ticked by like a snail crossing a highway. It dragged on and I suffered more.
So....when someone says that Hogkin's is so curable, don't forget that this is what we want for every cancer, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't cause pain and that it doesn't hurt and that people don't die from it, because they do. Don't minimize it. I felt at death's door and they told me I wasn't going to last 3 weeks without treatment. My life was saved by these chemo drugs. My daughter's life was saved as well. We are here because of it and I'm thankful for it. I have met new people recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's and they get the same thing. We are thankful for the cure rate but it still hurts and it's still scary as hell. Remember that.
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