Curious to know who my readers are :)

So, if you are reading, could you please post a comment to let me know. I don't get a lot of comments but it seems there are some out there reading my blog. Let me know. I love hearing from everyone!

Bit of a Disappointment Today

I had a bit of a disappointment today. I can only say I came close to being able to share Gabbi's story on a wider scale but it fell through. It was an exciting thought! I am still working on my book and I hope to have it finished in a month or two. haha I don't really want to rush it. I want everything to be accurate. Not only that but I have to stop and cry every now and then. It's hard reliving everything. I totally relive it all when writing about it. Sometimes things I forget come flooding back. It's hard. The joy comes back too. Like the day Gabriella was born. My husband and I had some time alone together last night. My older three were invited to a sleep over and Gabbi was sleeping. So, we lay in bed just talking. He began to talk about how incredibly happy he was when she was born. It wasn't hard to tell. He cried like a baby himself. Let me tell you my hubby is not a crier! I have not seen him shed tears very often in our marriage and even then, not more then one or two tears he didn't manage to wipe away before I saw them. It was different when Gabbi was born though. Here was this miracle we didn't know for sure would even live. We had to inject chemo into my body every two weeks with the uncertainty of whether or not it would hurt her. It's incredibly hard. I had cramps after all my chemos but they only became strong enough to really worry about at the second to last one. They didn't go away. The fear then was incredible. It was 30 weeks. After a trip with Life Flight and a long 5 days in the hospital I was sent home on strict bed rest. That is also hard with three other children in the house! I managed but it happened after the last chemo. It was kind of amusing almost. The last chemo I had the ceremony for my completion. I rang the gong. Oh how amazing that was...and hard to not cry! I held back the tears but even the nurses were choking back their own tears. I felt the minor crampiness during all of it. I went straight to the hospital on the way home. They were able to stop the contractions in one night this time around. For the record, magnesium drip is awful. Anyway that was only 4 weeks before my beautiful girl made it into this world. All my other girls never cried right at birth. They waited about 10 to 15 minutes before I finally got worried then they would cry. I prayed hard about Gabbi. I didn't want her to wait so long! I was already scared. I just said quickly while in labor, "God, please make her scream as soon as she comes out so I know she is breathing and OK!" Sure enough she cried the second she came out. That's my girl. I think she said mom today. I hate jumping to conclusions but I try so hard every single day to get her to say it. I always repeat mama while touching my nose, then touch hers and say Gabbi. I had her in her highchair today. I looked at her and said "Say mama and I'll get you out." I chuckled and sighed and started to open her chair. She did a lot of babbling but clear as a bell I heard "mommmmm" And let me tell ya. It does NOT matter if she meant it or not. It made my day! :)

Interesting Summer

Well, it's been a great summer. It's winding down I think. August 1st does sort of count as the last real summer month doesn't it? I love summer and I'm gonna hate to see it go. Then again, Gabriella will be 1 year old on November 17th. It's hard to believe so much time has gone by! She's growing like a weed and doing great. She's pretty much crawling. She rolls to where she wants to go for the most part, sometimes pulling herself forward in sort of an army crawl. She's slow at it, but doing great. She's a happy baby too. She is by far my happiest baby with little to no stranger anxiety at this point. I am not sure if that's good or bad. haha I almost got on America's Got Talent this year. I can't really say too much because I signed something...but I got close! I love to sing. It was so hard to sing after I got sick and one day, I just sort of admitted defeat. I knew until I was better, I could not sing anymore. I couldn't breathe for one...and two it hurt. It didn't come out right. I remember the tears in my mother in law's eyes when she heard me sing again. It's just a joy to have it back. I worried it might never be the same since I'll always have scar tissue in my chest. It does make things occasionally feel *tight* in there. I hope it's something that will fade over time. I don't know though. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I'm writing a book on all I have went through. I started it, and sort of pushed it to the side. I hate procrastinating! I am planning on getting a lot of it written out this week. It's amazing how fast it just flows. Even in highschool and my college classes my biggest problem was always writing too MUCH, never too little. I have to think about what is important, and what is not. So, before I blab on forever here, I am going to include another recent pic of Gabriella and sign off. She's so big with the chubbiest little thighs you've ever seen. When I lay her in her cradle she likes to stick her legs out on the sides. It's adorable! The basic update for this blog is I am still good. I am in remission since Februrary of this year and Gabriella is also doing great. She's my miracle baby and always will be...even when she's old enough to hate me calling her that! :)

Oh...I suppose another thing to add would be about my hair. I finally gave up. All that hair I was so proud to have not lost during chemo was dead. Fried. It would snap in half. NO matter what I did it just was not healthy at all. I admitted defeat and got it cut off. The stylist said the new growth felt strong. You could see the new growth jutting off the top of my head anyway making me look frizzy. I'll include a pic of my new *short* do. It's so strange for me having short hair! I am not used to it being this short but I know it's for the best...and hey, isn't short in for the summer? haha

July 2008

I need a new update. It's already July 5th. It's so hard to believe how much time has passed by since this whole thing began. I see some people have come by the blogging looking for info. I am so glad to help people that are going through what I went through. I know the fear and uncertainty. It's so scary. You are not only feeling sick but now you have to worry about that new life growing inside you. It's hard to believe this could have a happy ending but it can and does! Gabriella is now 7 and a half months old! She was 19.5 pounds at her last check up. I can't help but giggle at that. She was 6 lbs 2 oz at birth. I know I have spoiled her but I think I'm gonna forgive myself for it. She's such a precious miracle. I worried about her so much and desperately wanting to make sure she's healthy I never let her cry for a second. haha She gets what she wants fast. I think I am in for a world of trouble for it though. She has us all wrapped around her chubby little finger. She can roll all over the room now. She doesn't crawl but I think this is her version of it. She can sit for awhile and when propped against the couch she can stand for quite awhile. I am proud of her accomplishments. Oh I think it wise to point out she has a milk allergy. I have had her on soy formula since about week 4 of life. She seemed super gassy and fussy especially when straining for a bowel movement. I gave her regular formula once and I will NEVER do it again. Let's just say it was not a pleasant experience. I myself am also doing wonderfully. I had a little cold last week but I think it's finally going away. I hate getting a sore throat. Any wheezing or pain in that area just reminds me of what I went through. I get nervous too at any pressure at all in my neck or chest. I think when I get sick the lymph nodes swell as normal but it causes extra pressure in my throat. I still have that scar tissue in there and thyroid nodules. I want to just feel no pressure ever again. I guess I can't have that though. I have my next follow up on July 9th. We are making a little family trip out of it since the doc is so far away now that we've moved. I still can't imagine seeing any other doctor. He's the best. I will update everyone on how my appointment goes. I think we are scheduling a scan this week. I hope we can do the scan itself closer to home though. I am going to include some new pics of the baby. She's such a big girl! She is also drooling all over the place. I expect that first tooth any day now. If anyone who reads my blog wants some words of encouragment concerning pregnancy, and/or Hodgkin's Lymphoma, please feel free to e-mail me! sandilynn1975@hotmail.com. Put in the subject line something regarding Hodgkin's or pregnancy because otherwise it will get deleted or maybe in the junk folder. I hope I can help even one person. I also uploaded a pic of me singing recently. I love having the breath to sing back!!!

All my girls!