I Never Did Post Them Here

Halloween pics that is! We had a great party. Gabbi was a cutie pie as Super Girl of course. Isn't it fitting too? She is my super girl. No doubt about that. I know it may seem strange but I have joked to Jason about how she fits all the criteria for a super hero. She was exposed to a toxic chemical and yet grew strong. She beat the odds yet she does have her kryptonite if you will. Milk! Ha! The weakness is always something simple. The wicked witch though not a super hero was foiled by water. So you know, I joke. It's funny to me! haha Here are a few pics.

The Flu and a Blog Award

At least one is better than the other. I got a blog award from Wiggy's World. Check out his blog here: Wiggy's World. Here is the beautiful award I received:



There are rules that go along with these things. However I just don't have time to go find 15 blogs and link them all. I have Stats to get started on. haha I just wanted to thank Wiggy's World for giving me this award and also give him a link back to his blog. Go check it out!

As for the flu? Well Lexi definitely got hit the hardest. We have all been pretty sick. Angelina hasn't gotten it yet. I worry and even talked to the doc because she has asthma. Lexi got hit last night and it knocked her down for the count. I just snapped a pic of her with my webcam. This just shows how we've all felt this past week/weekend.

Can You Believe It??

Gabbi will be two on November 17th! It is so hard to believe. We have been through so much. Her life has not been one that lacked excitement. From the very beginning her life was full of it. It's odd how I could have had such an unexpected pregnancy then of course even more unexpectedly found out I had cancer.

For those who have been reading my blog you already know that I was feeling sick for a long time before I found out I had cancer. So finding out I was pregnant was overwhelming. There were many reasons. I had gone back to school. I had spent so much time getting back in shape after my previous 3 kids. Add to that the feeling of not being able to breathe, coughing up blood and not being able to lie flat, I didn't think I could give birth. I was very overwhelmed honestly. I didn't have the energy to walk up the stairs or talk on the phone without panting.

We did it though. We worked with my amazing oncologist and we did it. I had at least one major surgery during the pregnancy. I had two surgeries, both of which I was put out for. The one though that was the most major was my biopsy surgery. They cut me open on the right side of my chest, which is where the tumor was. They ended up having to shave some bone off. Yes...you heard that right. I have a slight dent in my scar. I hate it, but you know it's also my war wound so I don't dwell on it too much.

During that surgery Jason was all alone waiting in this room with other people who were also waiting for loved ones in surgery. My surgeon was a cardiac surgeon. The surgery was close to my heart so I am assuming that's why we had to use him. The tumor had grown tentacles if you will and wrapped itself violently around my major veins that went up into my neck and head. To this day they are still a little fatter than usual. (hate that too)

Anyway during Jason's time waiting in there he received some updates on me. Other people received updates as well and Jason would hear these people getting information on their loved one. So when the surgeon himself came into the waiting room a couple of hours into my surgery and asked Jason to go into this tiny little private room to talk, Jason was scared to death. He has told me that he just knew that I was dead. He didn't know why the surgeon came out himself and also why he was talking to him privately. He waited for the horrendous news. It didn't come. Basically they had cut some of my tumor out but it wasn't a large enough piece if you will. So I was in the operating room with my chest cut open while the surgeon discussed with Jason how they would have to cut me open more. I actually think that's when they had to shave off bone but I am not positive.

I awoke from that surgery in a recovery room. I could NOT swallow at all. After months of feeling like you have a basketball lodged in your neck and that your head is going to explode because it feels like someone is choking you, the last thing you need is to feel like you can't swallow. It was from the breathing tube down my throat during surgery. My throat was dry for months. I was only allowed ice chips. I couldn't really see after surgery. I have bad eyes and didn't have my glasses. This made it scary coming out of anesthesia I was in and out of consciousness too. I couldn't stay awake at all.

Finally they got me a room in the ICU and I saw Jason. He was coming around the corner and I felt such joy. I was weak and tired but I wanted him so bad. Then as they were putting me into my bed I got sick. Freshly cut open chest and here I am heaving. Dry heaving since I hadn't eaten. But you know it was enough. I was still so weak and tired though and not really getting better. They decided to give me a blood transfusion. I felt better within 15 minutes of getting that. It was night and day folks. Oh yeah, right here I will tell you to GIVE BLOOD! It definitely saved me. I never had a clue the difference in how it makes a person feel. It was amazing.

I was sick for awhile and I had a chest tube inserted to drain fluid. I had a lot of fluid in my chest. That chest tube hurt more than the staples in my chest from the biopsy surgery.

I had my first sonogram the following morning to check on Gabbi. I had been through so much. How could my baby possibly have tolerated it all? She did. She was great. Her heartbeat was strong. She survived that. It was on to chemo after the results were back in a couple of weeks.

Now that little baby is a wild and crazy 2 year old! I could go on forever. There is so much in between the lines. There is so much it took to get Gabriella here. It took a lot but she's here and she's my miracle girl.

We Are All Sick

Saturday and I am sick! Jason got sick about 1 1/2 weeks ago. It started off mild and got progressively worse. He is feeling a tiny bit better today. I myself started getting a sore throat a couple of days ago. Then last night was the WORST. I started feeling kind of achy and like I had chills. I had no fever though but full body aches. I had been suffering with the sore throat and a stuffy nose but it really hit me hard yesterday. It all got worse while I was at my nursing college doing a Meet and Greet thing. I got to meet a whole lot of my fellow classmates that will be starting with me in January. It really seems like a fun school. The people are so nice. One girl came all the way from Chicago to go to this school. I find that pretty cool. The Dean said that if we are feeling nervous or scared don't....because there were at least 2 or 3 other people that were up for our spot and they chose us. So they know we can do it. How awesome is that?

I got off track here a bit. My point is I wanted to really enjoy this thing but I started feeling honestly flu-ish during the middle of it all. I was putting on a smile and keeping a safe distance from people when I talked to them. I don't want to get anyone sick. Then we had to wait forever in HR at the hospital to get our ID pages made. Well, they took our photo anyway. I am feeling sicker than a dog and they took my pic. I am hoping it isn't horrendous.

I got everything done though. I just wait now. I have to get a few lab coats and some white scrubs and white shoes. I'll be at the hospital occasionally working with patients several weeks into the semester but wow. This is so crazy. They gave us a lecture about how sometimes our families might be pushed to the back burner. They said that our families need to be understanding because this will be hard. I knew it and Jason honestly is ready for it. He knows. I know. If I do this full time (which I am) I will graduate December of 2011. I'l have my BSN. I am excited, nervous, anxious, happy, terrified. haha

Anyway, Gabbi is sick too. She began running a fever last night of 101.8. She is now not running a temp but I have kept the Ibuprofen/Tylenol in her. Her eye looks red. So does Mikayla and Angel. They have awoken with crusty yucky eyes. I am hoping beyond hope it isn't pink eye but honestly it appears to be the beginning of it. So I think it could be several things at once. I had her sleep with me last night. I don't like my baby possibly spiking a fever in the night without my knowledge. No thanks! She did ok though. I awoke to her snuggling with me.

I hope this illness passes fast. I am just ready to have it done and over with so we can get on with our lives!

Oh and don't forget to vote for me. Tweet and retweet ok? Post, share, whatever, Facebook it. Let's see how many votes we can get today!!! Please :) The first place people have several thousand votes. I have just over 300. My chances are not looking good. I however do believe I have enough friends out there in the Internet world to get me the votes.

Explore Modeling - Face of e.l.f. Casting: Sandra Bender

Canceled Classes and Another Follow Up

After school yesterday morning I came home ready to spend the rest of the day finishing up my Statistics homework before class at 6. Well I got an e-mail from my teacher that afternoon canceling class for that night. I seriously danced a little jig. (No, I won't demonstrate this for anyone.)

I love it when that happens. The hubby hasn't been feeling well so I was able to stay home and keep him company. I myself have a sore throat now. I started to feel it yesterday anyway so I figured it was too late. Gabbi has a runny nose now and Angelina woke up coughing pretty good. Since she has asthma I worry about her getting that flu.

Other than that things are well around here. Gabbi got over her last episode of milk poisoning (Yes that's what I call it now) and is doing well. Honestly I contemplated HARD taking her to the hospital. I know the signs of dehydration though and she didn't have those. I thought it would be harder on her for me to drive the 30-40 minutes to the hospital lethargic and puking then it would be for me to stay home and hold her. I managed to get a little bit of fluid in her too so I just waited.

I know people are aware of nut allergies and bee stings and how serious those can be. I don't know that people have a clue how serious an allergy or digestive rejection of milk can be. I say digestive rejection because actually her allergy tests were ok. I have since learned that is actually pretty normal. So if your tests are normal do not assume you are ok with milk. Gabbi absolutely is not. It's scary.

I have been told though that Jason's uncle actually had the same issues as a baby. He's now a man in his upper 40's I believe. At the time soymilk was rare and they didn't know what was wrong with him. He lost weight and became very ill as a child. This was all until they started giving him soymilk. He then became a healthy, plump little baby. He did grow out of it too. I am thinking it is just something that happens. I don't know why and especially how someone could actually grow out of something so severe. I need to do some research.

I have a follow up on November 20th. It's hard to believe so much time has gone by. I have lost track of how many 3 month follow ups I have had now. I don't have too much to complain about at this checkup other than the horrendous throat pressure that never seems to go away for long. I hate the throat pressure. Some days it's ok. Other days I feel like I need to hack up a soft ball. I don't mean phlegm. I mean, it feels quite literally like there is a softball IN my neck. It's so irritating and makes me feel like I need to gag.

I get pressure in my ears too. My left ear especially always wants to clog up and has done so since the beginning of the whole cancer thing. I absolutely despise this sensation. I get angry too. I want it all to go away. I have to be thankful for my life though and I tell myself I am lucky. I shouldn't complain about the minor things. It could be so much worse. So I'll just be thankful.

I am not going to sit here and smile and say it's all easy because I think it's really ok that it's not. Who says you have to think everything is ok all the time anyway? We all know very well that it's not. I'll complain now and then. I never do much though. I'll go in and get my blood work. As long as that is good and the doc isn't concerned about anything it will be a pretty quick appointment. I love seeing the docs and nurses as usual. I love them all. They were with me through everything. Though they did their job I still felt like they cared very much about me and Gabbi.

Ok. This book is quite long enough! haha