Thursday, May 21, 2009

Moving Past the Scars

I have some pretty good scars from the whole cancer thing and I really do hate one of them. The biopsy scar is huge. I think I could almost handle it if it weren't for the large dent in the end of it. They shaved off bone to get to the tumor and now my skin sinks in just a bit there. This is all on the top of my right breast. So that has an affect on my self esteem. Then of course you add the little black permanent dot tattooed into the tip of it where they marked me for radiation and it can cause self image issues.

I think most of the time I wear my scars proudly. They are a part of who I am. It's the one truly permanent outward sign of all I have went through. It doesn't mean I don't have moments where I cringe and think it sort of messes up how my chest looks in a shirt. I get insecure. I suppose it's normal and I must accept it as who I am now. I sure do miss my smooth chest though. I have a scar on the left from the port surgery. The doctor said it shouldn't have left much of a scar but it did. It grew a bit and got red and angry. It's nothing compared to the biopsy scar though. I am sure I'll look back years and years from now and remember everything because of the scar though. Our scars do remind us don't they? They take us back and we remember everything that caused that scar.

Luckily my husband loves my scar. He claims it as his own. After all, it was really hard for him too...and my physical scars feel like his own.

A pic where you can see my scar pretty well from just a few days ago.




9 comments:

Chickenista said...

You know when my mom was told she had diabetes...it was hard. Later her baby toe died and they had to cut it off. Shes always loved her feet. Very dainty and girly. She was in tears...embarressed to show anyone.

One day while she and I were talking about it all, she cried. My dad walked over real gently, knelt down in front of her, looked her straight into the eye and slipped the sock off. He told her there is nothing in this world more beatiful than her then he kissed her scar. We all cried.

Her first of many scars.... We're just glad shes here with us♥

They get easier to look at she says.

Mara said...

Having scars especially big and obvious ones can cause a little insecurity, but that scar of yours is like a special scar and it really is a part of you now. A good one. And don't worry, you still look beautiful. :)

phatelara said...

Hi Sandi, I've been dropping by from Adgi for quite a while and I enjoy reading your posts.

My boyfriend has a few long scars down his back. He had to go through a surgery when he was involved in a motorbike accident. He always feel self-conscious about his scars, but I told him they're signs that he should appreciate his life and that God has given him a second chance.

You look beautiful! Don't worry about the scar. :)

Tina said...

i really feel for you. to go through all that trauma and being pregnant, then to have a permanent reminder of it. i would say you are an inspiration to women :)

its so nice your husband likes it. thats all that matters right? x

Dont worry yourself too much cause your beautiful, and you got your special baby too and hubby to look forward to each day.

sorry im babbling on! ....
Thanks for stopping by my blog, and the advice on the diet pills.

manindo said...

I am happy for you, even you have that scars, you have a lovely husband.
Send him a regards from me. Great husband...

Mrs4444 said...

The scar means you're alive, right? :)

Gregorio said...

I wouldn't be to concerned with the scar it will never take away the person you truly are inside.It should also always remind you of how special you are to all of your loved ones and how much they rely/love you.As a woman it is probably much harder to come to terms with.Us men really don't let those things bother us.I wish I could magically give you that one male attribute to help with your self image.I commend you for your bravery and ability to share your experiences with with all of us.
I wish you all the best and bless you with love,kindness as well as compassion. :)

Dagmar Bleasdale said...

Don't worry about your scar annd wear it proudly! You have been through so much, it's your badge of honor! It makes you more special :)

Ori said...

You're still looking good even with scar.