Monday, October 27, 2008

That Green Eyed Monster

Isn't that what they call jealousy? I felt it. Recently. I am ashamed though. See, a horrible thing happened. A girl that I see pretty regularly out watching my brother in law's band was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. They were able to surgically remove it and now she has to go through chemo. She has the longest hair and I feel so so sorry for her. I would not say we were ever friends but I saw her a lot. I just didn't talk to her much. I can sympathize though with what she's going through. I feel very sad to see anyone go through it, close friend or not.

Now what could I possibly be jealous of? Well...the reason I found out that she was diagnosed was a group of people are throwing her a benefit to help with her costs. These are all friends of mine...and family. I was jealous and maybe a tad hurt because nothing was ever done for me. I never had any offers of help. I know my sister wanted to. There are reasons why she couldn't do it. I hold no ill feelings towards her at all. But still.....it was like a little pang of sadness I felt. I see people who get sick having benefits for things like this. I was going through cancer and all the treatments combined with high risk specialists and regular doctors for my pregnancy. I was on life flight twice. I have medical bills that I'll never pay off in all my life unless I win the lottery. Even with a good insurance a person's medical bills get up there. I have to say though, I immediately reprimanded myself. It wasn't a feeling I could necessarily help feeling but what it is important here is that this girl DOES need help and I will be there to help her too.

12 comments:

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

No one helped? We might have to fix that!

I think it's normal to have that twinge -- I get it every time one of my author friends announces a new sale or a new release.

The question is how we handle it. Being there to support this other woman is tops.

Sandi said...

Thanks for your comment Susan. I have felt guilty about my reaction but I try to tell myself it's normal. I think posting here helps too. haha I don't know what her prognosis is and that always makes me feel so bad. I will do what I can for her...because I know what I would have liked for myself.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Yikes, that doesn't seem quite right does it? Well, if it is the same circle of friends. Just saying. Have a great day. :)

Sandi said...

it is the same circle of friends...which is why I think it hurt a bit.

Kirsten said...

I'm sorry to hear that your feelings are hurt. I would feel the same tho. Don't let it bother you. You know that your family and friends love you!

Tammy W said...

I understand. That's gotta be rough! Sorry!

Ane Fallarme said...

i would have felt the same... i admire you because despite that you still have room in your heart to feel for her, i commend you for that... :)

Lady Banana said...

That's quite an understandable reaction... I'm sorry to hear that.

Just makes me thankful that we have NHS over here and have the security of never having to pay medical bills no matter what happens..

Noah's Mommy said...

I think I would have felt that same myself...being a Cancer Survivor myself...I can imagine if I was put in the same position...I think what would save me from going to the dark side...is how much more important emotional support is than monetary...I don't know...sometimes I feel people do things like benefits and what not..really to make themselves feel better rather than the person who it is benefiting....but all I can say is I'm giving you a Big You Go Girl...Kick Butt award for fighting and winning...Good for you...and here's to hoping you win the lottery....

Anonymous said...

I can't help but feel as though you are refering to me and toots in this matter. So, just to clear things up a bit....Dave, Tishes husband, is throwing this benefit not us, he asked our bands to play and we agreed, thats our only part. And we wanted very badly to do something for you guys but your dad became very outraged about it and said we would kill you if we did that. (don't know if you knew that or not) At any rate, thats the scoop. You know we love you and J very much and would do anything we could to help.

Sandi said...

no I wasn't referring to you and Toots. She and I have discussed it already ;) I knew about dad's reaction.

Sandi said...

Noah's Mommy you are right. The benefit would not ever really have been about the money. Honestly I can give $20 a month to the collection agencies and I'm fine. I am trying. What I guess is important is for people to simply show they care and that shows it. I think you feel really alone during that time. Something like a benefit really just shows people are concerned and want to help. It makes you feel stronger...I think.