Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Why Do I Feel So Much Better? What Stress Can Do to Me.

It seems inevitable that every time I get closer to a follow up I start to feel worse. I start to feel horrible symptoms and begin to believe the cancer is back. It happens each time and even though it does I STILL think each time "this is different." I had some strange feelings before my last appointment. I have been worried about that excess fluid that was around my heart and the occasional heart palpitation. Being married to a guy who has never had one does not help. It makes me feel I'm all that much more odd. haha Anyway I had not been eating well. I was stressed and had dropped a few pounds. I always do when I am stressed. I think the combination of these factors made me anemic at my appointment. Yes...I was slightly anemic so of course that made my doctor a little concerned so he ran some extra tests. I had my iron levels checked. I got those results yesterday and everything is normal. I am good. My CBC was normal and LDH. I hate to admit I am not sure what that is. I am going to desperately look that up in a moment. My thyroid tests will take longer so I am still waiting on that.

My next appointment will be a much longer day because I have to have a CAT scan of my chest and neck and the ECHO done on my heart. I have to say this could be it. If these tests go well and everything looks ok, I may JUST believe I am going to be ok. I hate to say it but once you've been this sick and you see all those worst case scenarios it becomes hard to believe that you could actually be OK. Just fine. Seriously? JUST FINE? Those words are just too wonderful to be true. I have heard them...but haven't had the easiest time having faith in it without any follow up scans. Lymphoma does show up often in blood work so I do try to have faith. I do, until my follow up then I am just scared to death they'll find something. Now? My appointment is over and guess what? I feel fine. I think maybe my stress level MAKES me sick. I started taking a one a day and I am trying to eat better. I think these things alone make me feel a lot more healthy! Now, here's to another 2 1/2 months of not worrying too much!! haha ;)

4 comments:

lunaticg said...

Hi!
thank you for sharing your story. I lost my girlfriend long time ago because of cancer! I know how you feel. Wish you luck my friend!

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Ultrasound said...

Hi there,
Just wanted to say that you've got a really inspirational blog. Great posts.

Kind regards,
Monica @
www.ultrasound.ie

HEALTH NUT WANNABEE MOM said...

You are really amazing and I can only imagine how stressed I would be int the same situation.