I Needed to See Him Well

I found this.

Dad and Gabbi......when she was maybe a month old.

Update on My Dad

I went back in to see him. He heard me and groaned and rolled as much as he could on his bed. He is totally strapped in because he rips out his IV and tries to get up but can't. He'd just roll off the bed if he did. Anyway I was in the room and watching him, while talking to my mother. He lays there, breathing fast, tubes everywhere and his mouth hanging open. He started to roll and groan so I got up and walked over to his bed. I pet his arm and touched him and told him he would be ok, that it was his infection making him so sick (he's had a blood infection unresponsive to the antibiotics but we don't know why). He started batting at the air with his hand. I moved my hand close to his and he grabbed my hand and squeezed hard. I held his hand for several minutes and he squeezed it until I felt he drifted back off to sleep. My dad is very much trapped in his own brain right now but knows we are there.

The doctor agreed and said he was not in a coma and aware. They did a lumbar puncture and it was cloudy so they are treating him as though he has meningitis until we get the results on the test. There IS an infection there. The doctor thinks it's the same blood infection and it's moved up to his brain. This would explain his confusion, inability to talk or do anything. This however still does not explain what started everything. He has been sick now since he started getting severe stomach aches a few months ago and it's turned into this.

Due to the seriousness of his infection he cannot be transferred to Mayo Clinic now. We'll have to wait until he is stable and make choices from there.

I just want my dad back.

Prayers For My Dad

He looks like he is dying. This is to put it bluntly. We know he has the blood infection and it moved into the heart. They are treating it but he cannot talk, and he is unresponsive. He groans and leans toward me but can't open his eyes all the way anymore. He squeezed my hand though. I know he knew I was there. What is wrong?? This happened from gallbladder surgery to this! I am so upset. I want my dad to get well but he keeps getting worse. We have insisted on a second opinion and said we want him sent to Mayo. They agreed. They are making the transportation arrangements now. Please....if you pray....pray for my dad today.

Heading to the Hospital

Well according to my sister Donna my dad was delirious when she arrived at his house today when they were getting ready to leave for the hospital. The doc wanted to admit him. He was saying things that didn't make sense and was stumbling around and almost fell. Now they say his heart isn't beating right. It's really fast. I believe he is severely dehydrated as he hasn't been eating or drinking due to the pain. Obviously folks this isn't good so some prayers would be good. I think I better get up there because my mom really frankly doesn't understand medical talk too well. I think someone needs to be there to talk for my dad. I hope I get my statistics homework done at least somewhat tonight!

Gabbi's First Picture Day and Studying the Wrong Book

Just check out my other blog for details on the wrong book thing. I am just so devastated and no it was not my fault. Well .00005% my fault. haha But truly I put in a lot of hard work and the school book store had given me the wrong book.

As for Gabbi she had pictures done yesterday. I am so excited to get them back! I will have proofs to choose from later in the week I believe.

We have had a busy week with my inlaws who came up for a visit from North Carolina. The hubby has twin brothers. We are having a wonderful time. I hope to post pics soon.

I am doing great. You know I always feel like I should post an update on me and my health but plain and simple I feel good right now. I get really tired but that could be the lack of sleep, studies and four kids. I have some neck pressure but it comes and goes. My neck vein still bulges, it never stopped. I get some tension headaches but then again I don't know if I can blame that on anything other than ME.

I have a follow up coming next month. I will have more blood work. I am getting close to two years in remission. I am excited about that.

The bad news I regret to post is my dad is not doing well at all. They want to admit him tonight back into the hospital. My mom quickly said his blood work came back bad and something about this bacterial blood infection he had not getting better with the antibiotics they gave him. Plain and simple? I am worried about my dad. He has stayed in pain, not gotten better when the docs say he should. He's not eating. He's not drinking. I am scared. The doctors want to get into his pancreas surgically to check for cancer. I am nervous so prayers would be appreciated. He will have this surgery soon is my best guess.

After such a bad note I ask you to vote for me again. I don't know if you remember but you can vote once a day. Thank you so much! You can click the link below or my pic to the right of my blog.


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Being Locked Out of Class

No I didn't get into trouble. I wish I could give some elaborate story as to why I couldn't get into class but it's as simple as this. I got to school today about 5 minutes early. Normally I would go in and sit right down. This time there were a lot of my fellow students in the hallway sitting around and standing, waiting. I realized the door was locked and figured we could wait for a short time when the teacher arrived and we would go in. This was not to be.

My teacher showed up and guess what? He started waiting WITH us. This class is just 50 minutes and really it goes by quickly so every second counts. I didn't mind but I am sure the professor was less than pleased that the school wasn't responsible enough to unlock the door to a classroom that was supposed to be in session. We had to eventually stop a janitor who then used a walkie talkie to call up a security officer to come unlock the door. My class started a good 15 minutes late. I have to say the class sped by after that.

I had to write a 4 page essay on the question of the omnipotence of God. I read a certain philosopher's opinion that any belief in any religion is utterly irrational and give his reasons and personal beliefs why he felt that God and evil could not coexist while at the same time declaring God omnipotent. Got that?

Well I felt it easy enough to ramble on for 4 pages about what this guy's beliefs were and I had some opinions of my own as well. Philosophy really does have a lot to do with questioning God. I am glad I am really beyond the point of questioning my faith is such a way. I am not all that concerned with others philosophies on God and I don't really care to argue anyone else's opinion. I believe what I believe and I could give you 8 billion reasons why but eh, I just don't feel like it. Is that bad? I figure my faith is a personal thing. However when it's homework I can go on and on. haha

Almost 20 Months in Remission

I am pretty sure the official date I found out I was in remission was February 8th, 2008. I am also fairly positive I wrote about it on this blog so I could go back and find it for sure. I like reading back through my old posts for many reasons. I remember so much all that I felt. I remember the fear and uncertainty. I also remember the faith and the hope I had during that time.

It's hard to believe it's been almost 2 years. My blog has become less about me and the cancer so much as more about Gabbi and how she has grown. As I said in the news interview I did, she is a symbol of me getting better. Each day she grows, each new word she speaks, everything she does is just an outward sign of each second that goes by that I am cancer free. I'll judge the length of time by her age truly. She'll be 2 on November 17th if you can believe that. Oh how time flies. haha I'll be 2 years in remission on February 8th. My radiation treatments had started on December 3rd of 2007 and I had the scan once all of those were done. That's when we knew the cancer was gone. It's amazing. I lived in constant fear the first year that it would come back. As time goes by I have learned my body is not exactly the same. I am more tired, I have remaining pressure in my neck and throat though not as severe of course as before. I have adjusted to these changes. They are now me and they don't scare me. I know I'm not out of the woods as my doctor told me Hodgkin's is something that will always be with you. It could always come back and though that's scary he doesn't think mine will. He said it's something you'll watch for the rest of your life, hoping to never find it. I will live with that.

I look at the pictures and videos I have posted of Gabbi in the past month and it just makes me think. I had just finished chemo literally. My last chemo was October 23rd 2007. I delivered her November 17th 2007. I began daily radiation on the 3rd of December. My life was a whirlwind in those days. It was harder when it all stopped so suddenly. I enjoy my checkups now. I like seeing my doctor and the familiar nurses. I like chatting it up and showing off Gabbi. I love the drive and seeing the familiar sites. It's not so bad at all.

Just a little reminder of what my Gabbi looked like on that wonderful day in 2007!

I always loved this pic of Gabbi and Daddy







Please don't forget to vote for me. Remember the contest? I made a clickable picture on the right of my blog!

Just a Quick Note....A Car Crashed Into Gabbi's Daycare....

I posted this on my other blog and no, Gabbi was not there when this happened. The owner of the vehicle claimed their brakes went out. I pulled up to the daycare and saw this two days ago. I took the pic from inside my van when I pulled up. Someone just jumped the curb and sidewalk and crashed right into the building. I am just thinking wow. I am glad no one was hurt! There are almost always kids there. People walk up and down that sidewalk. There is an office on the other side.....not a classroom thankfully. Anyway I have been meaning to post about this. I was stunned.

And here is Gabbi after she gleefully stole my diet soda from Subway. Now I must stress I do not let her have soda...but I do on a rare occasion give her a sip. She wanted this so bad and she drinks from a straw so painfully slow that I just let her for the drive. She was so darn cute!



Oh and yes I painted her little fingernails pink to match mommy. haha It's her first time and let me tell you she loves it. She walks around saying "pretty!" while holding out her hands.