I know I rarely post these days, but for anyone who is still out there Gabbi is 13 years old now! This is a positive story. This is a blog with a happy ending. I am a 13 year survivor and working as a nurse. I am engaged to a wonderful man, also a nurse and have a wonderful large combined family. If you’re out there searching for help, feel free to reply or send a message. It CAN be done! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. She got her hair colored blue this year. Her personality is coming out more and more. This pic her blonde is coming back in 😆

Remembering Nova

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the birth and passing of my first grandchild. It has been a difficult year for all of us. She will always be my granddaughter. I watched her come into this world knowing we would only have her for a short time. I saw her move her little legs and move her mouth. It was hard losing my grandchild but seeing my daughter go through this kind of pain is indescribable. Lexi loved this little girl with as much love in her heart as any mom could love their child. I saw that love in her eyes.

It was a difficult pregnancy. Everything seemed so perfect other Lexi being so sick. There were signs that something could be wrong but everything constantly checked out fine. After many trips to the ER and a high risk sonogram everything still seemed ok. Then the day came she went in for a sonogram and she had no fluid left. It was gone and we just didn’t know why. Lexi was admitted and she was going to wait and we thought maybe they can make this work. Lexi got a bad infection. So now I am worried about my daughter and my grandchild. Lexi spiked a fever and her heart rate was high. The lack of fluid created an infection. The baby was coming. I can never possibly express how difficult that realization was. 23 weeks along. Almost 24. And our Nova was making her entrance.

We were told that she had no chance of not being born without a serious defect or disability. Lexi made the most difficult decision of her life. She allowed Nova to live what small time she had peacefully in her mothers arms. That moment was the most intense I have experienced. The doctors and nurses had a difficult time keeping themselves together. When Lexi held Nova in her arms the doctor moved his chair across the room and turned around staring at the wall as he cried. That’s a moment I’ll never forget. It made ME cry because I knew they cared. Every nurse and doctor involved felt the pain. Nova mattered to them. Lexi was able to keep Nova with her in her room for several days with the help of a cooling cot. This was such a blessing because Lexi got to say goodbye in her own time. We kissed her goodbye and we had our funeral for our little girl. She holds a special place in our heart and always will.

We love you Nova Lynn. Always and forever in our hearts 3/20/2018.

Updates on Zoey

Zoey is still getting her chemo but doing very well. She finally lost all of her hair but has the softest, cutest little head. She doesn't seem to mind one bit! Her whole family made the drive from Oklahoma to Illinois this past week to see family. She hadn't made any trips in awhile and we all missed them SO much. She did great. I served up a big pot of chilli for everyone and it was a hit with Zoey too. Her appetite has been decreased but it seems chili is one of those things you can entice her with.


My sister Vanessa has had a lot of stress including hitting a deer on the way to our mother's house from my house. When it rains it pours it seems. They are all ok though and it was a rental so they got it switched out and were on their way again. They couldn't stay long because Zoey needed to get her inpatient chemo. She has a lot of energy and she and little sister Althea love playing with my dogs Punzie and Sammy.


Oscar and Vanessa still need a lot of help getting to and from Zoey's treatments. We have the gofundme account which I will link here. Please donate even $1.00 if you can. We are thankful for anything. It helps with gas and food on her weekly chemo days.

https://www.gofundme.com/4zddj9-help-for-zoey

Zoey is handling her chemo very well! She's spent this week in the hospital but will get to come home tomorrow and then come back for weekly treatments. She has oral chemo she will be taking as well. Please keep her in your prayers as she is at a high risk for infection during this induction phase of chemo. Also, there will be a lot of expenses with gas back and forth. We appreciate all of the donations. They will surely help! I still want to reach our goal of$5000 which is really a meager amount considering all that she's going through. There will be 2 1/2 years of treatments. This is gonna be a long fight so add her name to your prayer chains and please keep her there. Thank you all!!

https://www.gofundme.com/4zddj9-help-for-zoey

Cancer Doesn't Care

My niece was diagnosed with Leukemia this week. She is 4 years old and her name is Zoey. This blog has always been about my own battle with lymphoma while pregnant. Mine and Gabbi's story. I am 9 years in remission and Gabbi is 9. We are doing great. So now, I'm dedicating my stories and updates to Zoey's Fight.This baby turns 5 tomorrow. She just had her first chemo, blood transfusions and platelets transfused. This is the sweetest little girl, the daughter of my sister Vanessa. Zoey's dad is Oscar. He's the most kind, happy, goofy, fun loving person you ever met. Vanessa loves unconditionally and gives so much of her heart to everyone. I will introduce you to them here. Follow Zoey's story here on my blog. Her fight has just started with Acute Lymphoblastic leukemia. Find it in your heart to consider a donation at their GoFundMe account.

Help For Zoey, CLICK HERE.

           

Suicide

On October 15th, 2016, my sister took her own life in a jail cell, isolated from other inmates. Her cries went ignored, per witness accounts. My sister was an addict. She had been found 3 days into a 29 day sentence with medication used to treat depression and addiction. She attempted to swallow all of these pills. There was a fight, or a scuffle as it was written in the newspaper. They put her in isolation and she cried and cried. Then she went silent. She was found with a bed sheet wrapped around her neck, hanging from the light fixture in her cell.

How does this happen? I can't say. My sister was an addict and she needed help. She was not given that help and she took her own life. I understand addicts are responsible for their actions. I know she made a whole lot of bad mistakes in her life. I also know she tried. She went to rehab. She left rehab. She went back to rehab. She lost so much in her life. She was abused as a child and hurt by someone she should have been able to trust. Her life thrust her into a whirlwind of addiction and at at times, prostitution to pay for those drugs.

According to witness accounts she stated she couldn't "do this anymore". She was crying this over and over until she fell silent. She was fully coded and was declared dead. My mom received a call to come identify her 32 year old daughter's body. The funeral costs are astronomical. We could use any help with funeral expenses. We cannot do this alone. Her body is in a freezer at the funeral home until we somehow come up with the cash. Please consider a dollar or two or whatever you can give. We will be pursuing this further, but until then, this is all we can do. Thank you!!!

Me and Gabbi in a Photo Booth!

https://youtu.be/_S0vDlLJoiQ

Updates Updates Updates

I know it has been awhile since I've made a post. Life happens,  thankfully, and I get busy. I am working as an oncology nurse finally. After all I went through I am where I knew I was always meant to be. I'll see where this path takes me. I love being a nurse.  Sometimes it's hard seeing the struggles the families and patients go through. There isn't always a happy ending, but I like to think I give them some hope, knowing that if you keep fighting and holding onto faith, you can beat this thing and come out on top.

This past weekend I drove to Tennessee, through Kentucky, Missouri and back to Illinois. It was a fun trip! Had a wonderful time. It was really hot and I love the drive in the hot and sunny weather.

Gabbi has glasses now and she'll be in 3rd grade this year! That's hard to believe. My oldest Lexi graduated high school and my Mikayla will be a Junior and Angelina a freshmen. Time marches on. It keeps going whether we are ready or not. Last November I lost one of my best friends. He was born with spina bifida and though I knew he had occasional health issues (he was paralyzed) he was still your average guy, so smart, goofing off, having fun. He never let anything hold him back. I miss him. He always supported me though everything.

Other than that I just keep working. Hope everyone else is doing well. Comment and say hi if you stop by.

Please Help Kids With Diabetes

https://www.gofundme.com/y9emzhhz

Every Day is a Blessing

I have learned a lot over the course of my life and all that I have been through. The most important thing in life is love and family. I say it a lot but my girls are my life. I have had many struggles lately. Life gets hard sometimes. It gets overwhelming even. It's not easy raising teenagers. It's not easy going through changes in life. 

My oldest daughter turned 18 and she has left home. My heart aches for her. I want to help her. I want to give her the world but I know there is so much she'll need to learn on her own. I know what's in store. I would love to protect her from it all but I can't. I shouldn't. Hard times build you up. They make you stronger. I know I am stronger though some days I don't feel like it. Some things haven't changed me for the better. I have flaws. Those things have made me evolve though. I try to be a good mom. I make mistakes. Each day I will keep trying to be better. Once you think you're the best, you can no longer improve. I'll keep working on it. Oh and Gabbi is no longer allergic to milk!!!! Yay!!!

Blog Updates

Now that I can finally access my admin console I am trying to do some updating to my blog. Many links were outdated and some things are just downright slowing the blog down (loading time). I'm working on it. Hopefully things will be running smoothly and faster soon.


Update: I think whatever was slowing it down I managed to fix. Let me know if you have issues!

Help with Renewing My Domain Name/Google Apps!

I need someone who knows all about google apps and renewing domain names to help me and fast. I bought my domain name in 2012 I believe. My account renewed automatically and everything was fine. Now my old card assigned to that account has expired. I need to update my payment method however I cannot sign into my google admin console. I try using my gmail address which is how I have always handled my blogger account but it will not work. It just asks me to sign in again and again. I see it moved over to google apps and there is this new method but I cannot even question google because again I have to sign into the admin console which I cannot do. I have tried every avenue possible. I cannot log in. I can do everything but that. I am frustrated and have spent hours on this to no avail. If transferring my blog is the only option then I will do that but I prefer not to! I need help so if you know about this stuff please fill me before all is lost.


update: I finally figured it out!!! Stay tuned.

My Heart

I love my baby girl.

Love

Love immeasurable. These girls are my life

Hug Your Dad This Christmas

I never knew until my dad died that he was the glue that held our family together. He wasn't perfect but he loved his girls. I miss him more each day but Christmas is especially hard. He loved the Holidays and family time. Cancer took him December 27th, 2009.  Don't take a moment for granted.

Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving my girls will be with their dad. This is exceptionally hard for me since I have never been without them on a holiday. I have experienced a lot of sadness over it and not even wanting to celebrate the holiday at all. Since I started this blog I have lost 3 grandparents and my father. My step mother moved away and we don't really talk anymore. I have allowed myself to get pretty down over it. I think I may just spend some time with my sisters. I could sit at home and feel sorry for myself. I have seriously considered it. I won't. I can't. I have to do what I have always done. I have to get back on my feet and keep on living. I love my little women and they are the reason I breathe every day. I am looking forward to Christmas!!

Seven Years in Remission, Seven Years Old

Gabriella just turned 7 on November 17th. It is, as I say every year, hard to believe how much time flies. She's grown into quite the little lady. She is feisty and definitely likes things her way. She loves her big sisters more than life and looks up to them. She enjoyed her birthday with some cake and presents.

I always reflect around her birthday about how much we have overcome and I'm very thankful. I'm thankful that the constant fear of the cancer returning has now faded away. I now focus on my life, my family, and my career. It's normal again. I'll always have that. I'll always be a survivor as will Gabbi. We beat it together. She gave me hope when it seemed it was hopeless. I fought for her. I'm here because of the strength and determination she gave me to fight. Maybe some day she'll truly know what she did for me.

I fought for my other girls as well, of course. They took care of me and had to grow up a little too fast because of it. I know it was hard on them. It's scary to see mom so sick. Moms can't get sick! I have some amazing little women. They are the reason I get up each day and do what I do. They are the reason I breathe. My greatest accomplishment wasn't becoming a nurse, or beating cancer. It was becoming a mother.

Pregnant With Cancer - One Womans Courageous Journey 09/08 by The 9 Month Club | Moms and Family Podcasts

Pregnant With Cancer - One Womans Courageous Journey 09/08 by The 9 Month Club | Moms and Family Podcasts

Pregnant With Cancer - One Womans Courageous Journey 09/08 by The 9 Month Club | Moms and Family Podcasts

Pregnant With Cancer - One Womans Courageous Journey 09/08 by The 9 Month Club | Moms and Family Podcasts

Growing Up

It's been so long since I posted that I'm making two blog posts!! My Gabbi is now 6 years old and going into first grade. She is getting bigger every day. I thought I'd share a pic of her and a pic of me 6 years in remission. I know there are those out there getting the awful diagnosis of pregnancy and cancer at the same time. We did it. Have faith!