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Monday, October 20, 2008

More Bad Dreams

Well, it seems I am creating a pattern with myself. When my appointment was scheduled for October 9th, I hadn't had any worry, or anxiety about my follow up. I was actually doing pretty well. They rescheduled my follow up for the 23rd and now it's getting to me. I think what worries me the most, is that we don't do any kinds of scans at all. I guess unless I have symptoms the benefits don't outweigh the risks. I don't want to get to the point where I have symptoms like before. I also do not want to deal with the risks of too many scans so it's such a confusing feeling. I have pressure in my veins in my neck. But then again, that never really went all the way away and could be explained by the scar tissue and enlarged thyroid. The pressure comes and goes. Still I better inform the doc just in case. I just hate being obsessive! haha I am so silly that way. Still, I guess you can't be too careful right? I had another bad dream last night. I did this the night before my LAST follow up. I had a dream they took a test...a blood test and it was much like a pregnancy test would be. Positive for my cancer coming back. I swear and my doctor was telling me "oh don't worry about that." This whole thing is getting annoying. I want my follow up to hurry up and get here. I'm chuckling at myself. It's so typical of me to get like this the closer we get to that appointment.


Mandy said...

Sandi ~ I think that is pretty normal. My husband didn't quit freaking out about going to the doctor (but, he still doesn't like to go) until he got to the point that he didn't have to do scans every year. He really had a lot of anxiety about those. He still does get a bit moody though around the time of the year that he was diagnosed, November. So, this is always a hard time for him.

Even though my cancer (thyroid) is petty compared to yours and my husbands Lymphoma, I still get major anxiety attacks when waiting for test results.

Hang in there, things will be ok.


Ladygreenhawk said...

I don't blame you for worrying, you wouldn't be human if you didn't. However, I don't believe God gave you the wonderful gift of a healthy child and a healthy life if he didn't want you to not worry and enjoy them. Maybe these will help---

In Matthew 6:
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And in the same chapter:

34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

In I Peter:

6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

And finally I John:

5This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all[b] sin.

As always you will be in our prayers.

Your Loving M-I-L,