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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Two Weeks

My follow up is in two weeks. I think I would have a whole lot less paranoia around these times if I had had some sort of scan to really make sure it's still gone. Then again I'd just have all new paranoia. I am not sitting here all day overwhelmed with fear. It is nothing like that. I just get this tiny little fear every now and again of what I'd do if it came back. It's a legitimate question. I know the next steps in fighting it and honestly I don't want to go through it. My family needs me. My girls had to watch Life Flight take me away once. They wrapped me up like a burrito on the gurney and the nurses walked with my children out the door and allowed them to stand and watch me take off and fly away. There were tears in my husband's eyes, along with my girls who had a hard time understanding it. I am thankful for the chance to talk to them about it now. I do too. I have saved all the get well pictures and notes they made for me. They really bring me such joy now. I know they had a difficult time adjusting and dealing with it all. It had to be confusing, that is for sure. I just think about these things. My doctor said that these days they try to only do a scan if the benefits outweigh the risks. He says I responded so well and fast to the chemo that he does not believe it will ever come back. You'd think that alone will calm my fears. If it weren't for the occasional pressure and lump in my throat it would probably be enough! My blood tests come back good though. And in my doc's own words I am so skinny he'd feel any swollen lymph nodes easily. lol It's a good reason to stay thin! I am anxious for our trip too since we are taking a little vacation. I hope it's warm in North Carolina. It has to be better than Illinois!

I watched the Patrick Swayze interview last night. That man has such courage, strength and fight in him. I found myself MANY times during that interview screaming at the TV "you go boy!!!" haha He is a fighter and that's what you have to be. I admire it. He may not want to be a poster boy for cancer...but there is nothing wrong with being an inspiration to others. We didn't ask to be dealt these cards, but we were. We may as well do something with it instead of sitting back and sulking. So I do. I hope to inspire even ONE person. And my blog is not one of fear or worst case scenarios or unhappy endings. At least, that is not my goal. I hope to make sure all who read see an inspirational story full of hope, faith and happy endings!

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