Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Ugly Side of Cancer

I'm just going back through some old pictures....from the past year. It's been almost a year since my very last chemo. October 23rd November 2007 was my last chemo. It's hard to believe. I found some pictures from during my treatments and thought I'd share.

First picture is AFTER chemo. You see the huge biopsy scar, the bandage from where they removed the port that was used to give me chemo (which has a nice little scar now too) and the big black x made with a permanent marker for radiation. I had to leave that there for 1 month while treatment was underway. I figured people would think I was some weirdo who drew on herself.

Here is a picture I probably didn't want to show back then. The port. I lived with this lump in my chest for about a year. It felt weird when it was gone.

This picture may not look bad to someone. I know what is wrong though. Seriously wrong. I could hardly breathe here. It was at the stage when if I so much as lifted an arm it would make my face turn red and choke me. Now, it was obviously not as bad as I got because I could still get around. I knew when I took this pic something was wrong. I thought I looked full....something odd. Well yes. You see one clavicle, not not the other. You see the vein sticking out of my neck on my right. That's because the huge tumor was in my chest pushing everything out. It was compressing my veins and as my doc put it, I had the neck of a linebacker.

No, some people may not think that looked bad. I hated that pic. I always thought I looked weird.

Here is my hardest moment. The worst. I had this surgery literally the day after the doc told me he thought it was lymphoma. It was early in the morning. I had only known I was pregnant for a couple of weeks. We didn't even know how the baby would handle the anesthesia. I had to have my surgery sitting up. The surgeon was a cardiac surgeon because of the location of the tumor. He had never done a surgery with a patient sitting almost straight up. They had to create a wedge sort of thing for me to sit up against because if I were to lie flat I could not breathe. They cut into my chest and yes shaved a little bone. It's gross...but this is my reality. I see a dip in my chest from this!! It's in the tip of the scar which by the way has a permanent black dot on the tip of it to always mark where I had radiation. at my sickest. I rarely post these pics but I think the reality of cancer does need to be shown.

And now, my PET Scan. I took a shot with my phone while I was waiting for the radioactive drug to course through my veins. I have to get injected and wait for almost an hour. They won't even stay near you or touch the needle they inject you with. It's all in a big metal cylinder. Seriously. It's that dangerous....and they injected it in me. =/

This is a pic of me, the day I finished chemo and had a ceremony and got a certificate. I was VERY pregnant and actually went into the hospital that night with preterm contractions for the second time.

And just because I am an insecure person posting nasty pics of myself I have to find one good new healthy pic of me.